Used and Abused

Back Again

2011-11-14T20:32:00.000+11:00

Hai again! It’s been months since my last post and in some ways I thought it was the end of Used and Abused. I’ve just finished my first year at Uni and I’ve been doing a lot of reading and writing, not all of it interesting. Then the other day I get a comment from Florida Dom, a long-time reader, asking me if I was ever coming back. It got me thinking maybe I didn’t want to give up on the blog after all. Then I was going through some old files, organising my hard drive, and found some old blog posts -original, filthy fuckdoll shit, and I was like ‘where did that bitch go’? Then I looked through some porn and had a wank to Sasha Grey getting gangbanged, and realised she hasn’t gone anywhere.

I’ve been studying and being in love, basically. Master and I are so deeply in love and have moments of just falling deeper for each other. And yet not much sex. I mean there is always something; medications, me working late, too drunk, too lazy, too hot, too cold, need a shower...on and on. We are an old married couple, and not in a bad way. Back when I was writing, and having my dirtiest sex, I was newly single and fucking everyone. I don’t want to fuck everyone now, I just want to fuck Master. I want him to fuck me, use and abuse me. I want to combine what we had then with what we have now. The way I see it, relationships take effort and I can’t whinge about the things I want without making an effort to get them.

The plan is to get a bit more healthy/fit/slim, feel better about myself and make more effort to fire up Master’s libido. Wearing my collar more, wakeup blowjobs, and meeting him in various states of undress when he gets home from work, are just a few ideas.

So here’s to blogging again, and lots more kinky shit.

Generation Gap

2011-03-21T18:51:00.002+11:00

So I really felt the age difference at Uni today. The lecturer was discussing an advertisement from 1985 and he asked everyone to put their hand up if they were alive in 1985. Me and about 3 other people of maybe 2-300 people put their hand up. Far out, I realised all these people are only 18 or 19, maybe 20...they were most likly born in the 90’s. Wow.
Later on my tutor made a joke about Scully from X-Files and only me and one other guy laughed, and then I realised they probably don’t know X-Files. Oh God.
So then the gap got even bigger when I started to sprout these opinions that I realised were being looked down upon because they were, in these people’s eyes, quite archaic. Man I feel old, and not old in the age sense...more like out of touch or out of my depth. More stuff happened, like some Youtube viral clip was being shown and all I could do was cringe. I hate the term ‘viral’...don’t even get me started on the inanity of the videos themselves. Uggggg... *old sad face*

Then there is the problem of not being ‘out’ about my work or my lifestyle (D/s) at Uni, not that I want to tell everyone it’s just I’m not used to hiding it. I have for a long time been only in a circle of people I can be completely honest with, and I love that. At the same time I’m completely out of practice having to watch what I say and not really being truly myself...I don’t like that.

In case you haven’t worked out by now the next three years this blog will be about me whinging about Uni. Hope that’s ok n’ stuff.

Anyway, better get back to it. (Where are my glasses and walker?)

Must. Do. Everything.

2011-03-17T18:02:00.000+11:00

Man Uni is crazy. It’s only the third week and I’m already feeling stressed. The problem with me is I’m a perfectionist. I’m either doing nothing, being lazy and loving it or if I decide to do something I go full tilt. So I’m really giving myself a hard time about assignments and having brain meltdowns trying to keep up with readings and lecture content. I just can’t do a half assed job at something, I MUST do it perfect the first time or not at all; which means I often quit things before I start.

Master and I arrived home the other day, late at night after both of us finished work and I’d been to Uni earlier in the day. We walked into the kitchen, turned the light on and masses of tiny cockroaches scattered for shelter. Master got quite frustrated and I looked around at the dirty dishes and burst into tears. “I’m a bad slave!” I sobbed. I felt like I had let him down. He took me in his arms and hugged me for a long time. “You can’t do everything” he reassured me. “But I want to be able to do it all”. Housework, work and school should all be doable, right? Well, maybe the dishes can sometimes wait, and the clothes will eventually get washed. I do need to realise I can’t do everything, and things won’t always be perfect.

Mardi Gras 2011

2011-03-07T16:37:00.001+11:00

Wow, what a full on week I’ve had. Last week was my first week at Uni. I know that’s a lot of week but I couldn’t work out how else to start my post. LOL. I’ve decided to stay at my 40 hours a week at work and even though a lot of that time was taken up with nothing before, now I have to use all the spare time I have for reading and assignments. Then I have 9 hours a week ‘contact time’ which means lectures and tutorials. It may not sound like a lot but they say for each contact hour you should be doing 2-3 hours in your own time, and I can see how 3 hours would be easily chewed up by all the reading I have to do. Now you can see why I haven’t blogged all week. Complaining aside I’m really enjoying the course so far; I even don’t mind doing the assignments I kind of don’t want to do (Does that make sense?). So after that explanation you can all forgive me for gaps in posts, I truly do want to continue to write here. (Note: must point out to Master how much I apologise on the blog)

On the weekend Master and I marched in the Sydney Mardi Gras. It was my second time and Master’s first time and we both had a ball. I knew what to expect, but Master was just blown away by how great it feels. It’s very liberating to march up the middle of a usually busy main road, surrounded on either side by throngs of people cheering for you. No matter what banner you march under it’s a wonderful experience. We marched this year for Scarlet Alliance, a Sydney based organisation that deals with sex worker rights. It was great to have Master there proudly supporting me as a sex worker. Some of our friends were also in the parade as fetishist, latex ponies and the polyamorous. It was really an awesome night.

My sister is in town this week so we won’t be able to go to our favourite monthly kink party. I thought about taking her but I think it’s best to keep it as a space for Master and myself. I know she would be completely fine with what goes on there, if a little shocked, but I know we couldn’t be as free in that space as we usually could. There will be a plenty more parties so it’s not too much of a sacrifice considering I don’t see my sister often.

Bai xx

P.S I’ll try and have some juicy stories to tell you by next time.

BUSY!

2011-03-01T16:26:00.002+11:00

Hai,

Just wanted to pop in and say I haven't gone anywhere, and also thank those who commented and made my welcome back so nice.

Second day of Uni today and lots of reading to do, also work has picked up too so I'm pretty busy. But I'll find time for you all I promise. ASAP.

xx

Sunday Morning

2011-02-27T11:36:00.003+11:00

Morning! I’m enjoying my first proper Sunday off in 2 years. I no longer work weekends and neither does Master, so we are really enjoying our new time together. Currently Master is playing GT5 and has been since he got up. He gets the shits every time I walk past with my robe undone as his eyes rove off the screen over my body, and he eventually crashes the car into a wall. LOL. I’ve made coffee and breakfast, read the news and a caught up a little on some blogs. The days plan consists of: cleaning the house, doing the dishes, making lasagne from scratch and then maybe some GT5 myself.

I’ve started wearing my collar at home again which is nice. I’ve had it on since Friday night, only taking it off yesterday to go shopping, but luckily I can replace it with my beautiful outside version. Have I shown you all? Maybe I haven’t.

Here then:

Master got it made for me for last year’s birthday and I’m trying to work out why it’s taken a year to tell you about it. After having a quick browse of the blog it was most likely because shit hit the fan not long after that and that’s all I was writing about. Anyway it’s very beautiful and I love it.

I’ll just jump in here and say now Master is crashing his GT5 car because I started talking about anal sex, and he started visualising. LOL.

I think I’ve procrastinated long enough now. Probably time to clean the house and such. Looks like this might be a regular thing...this blogging thing.

Morning Wank

2011-02-24T20:44:00.003+11:00

Anyone ever wake up horny as hell and have to wank?

The way it happens for me is I'm usually dreaming about something and in the dream I'm turned on. It's right before I wake up and I even have the thought in my dream that I need to wank when I wake. I then almost immediately wake and sleepily find a dildo and go at it.

And that's exactly how it went this morning. I was dreaming about something bizarre that turned erotic. It involved shelves of porn and Master had taken all the good stuff and I decided I needed to watch some too. That's when I woke and knew even before I was conscious that I needed a wank. I thought about porn and decided against it as it would have been too much effort and I just needed to ‘rub one out’ quick smart.

I got up out of bed, grabbed my favourite dildo, back to bed, towel down, lubed up and shoved the dildo right in; I was loose and ready.

I fucked myself for a total of 30secs before deciding I needed a cock in my ass too. I grabbed a small one because my ass is out of practice and with a bit of lube it slide right in. Another 30secs of grinding on these to cocks and I shuddered to anal orgasm. I took the cock out of my ass and thought...I could do with more pussy fucking since it all finished so quickly.
Literally another 30secs and I had a very intense pussy orgasm, groaning loudly.

I must apologise to Master as I promised him pics next time I wanked but I was way too sleepy still to contemplate pics. So I took one after of the offending toys. :p ;) Next time, I promise.

Hello out there!

2011-02-23T15:47:00.002+11:00

Hello out there! Wow it’s been months since the last post. I almost thought it would be the end of Used and Abused, but here I am again. I went through a quiet phase I guess, not really having much to say. Thanks to a comment on my last post asking for more posts I got the urge to write again.

The gangbang didn’t happen. It was our own fault...we partied too much over the weekend and didn’t have the energy to do something that full on. I was really disappointed but it was the best thing to do. Next time we decide to do it I’ll make it the only thing on that weekend. God, now I’m thinking about it...have to discuss it with Master again. *wet*

Master and I have been up and down, mostly because of financial problems. But everything is looking up. He’s just landed himself an awesome full-time job in the banking sector which will really help get us back on track. The main thing is that he’s feeling really great at the moment and is really keen to get back to having a career.

The other great thing about Master getting a new job is that he feels more confident and is getting his mojo back (read: more sex).

He gave me a really great ‘session’ the other day. It was a long slow build up, spanking, paddling and the cane. I was tied up, face down and legs spread on the bed. He broke up the discipline with cock-sucking and hard fucking. It was really a perfect session. I hope to make it a regular thing and now we both have weekends off it will be easier to make time for it.

Been away for the last 10 days with family and it’s been since New Years since I’ve been to a fetish party. I’m looking forward to the next one as I need to get my kinky on very soon. I feel like some fucking of flogging in public, or both. Yes both!

Well let’s hope this is a more regular thing. I’m starting Uni next week doing Communications so I hope I can make time for both. I really need to. If I want to write for a career then I need to commit a lot of time to it, so I’ll try and think of that next time I think of going of Facebook or passing the time with a crappy TV show.

Anal Training

2010-09-24T21:43:00.000+10:00

Man we had some great sex last night. Master fucked all three holes for the first time in months. I'd been dreading the re-training of my ass but at the same time craving it, knowing I love and need his fat cock balls deep in my asshole.

We'd both been horny all day; well at least since he messaged me saying there was a gangbang we could go to in a couple weeks time. We'd talked about it a bit but never taken the step. It's one of my biggest fantasies, one yet to be fulfilled. I have done group sex where there were 5 or 6 guys during in one night but there were other girls and it was more group focussed than gangbang focussed. Most guys I've had at the same time is 3 and I loved it. I think what I desire most is looking around and seeing multiple cocks standing around waiting to use me. That image is my favourite wank bank image when I need to get off.

But of course I have fears and trepidation about finding the right group and being safe. Anyway, cut back to yesterday and Master is asking if I want to go and of course I'm keen. Then I have a great idea. We are going out to a couple of parties with a friend of ours the night before the GB, and she's a bit of a slut herself so I message her asking if she wants to come with us. I explain how I will feel heaps better if she's there too for my first time. So the day goes on and Master and I are messaging back and forth getting more and more horny. Then my friend gets back to me saying she'd love to come. Fuck, I was over the moon. I'm so in it now and Master can't believe it. He RSVP's the event and imagines being the stud that brings not only one, but two hot sluts to the GB. By this stage we are both about to explode needing to fuck.

Master being already home sends me a pic of his massive solid erection. He then instructs me to travel home from work with no bra and panties, which of course I do. While I'm standing waiting for the bus I realise how horny I am and how much I'd love my ass fucked. I knew because of how turned on I was his cock would just slip into my ass. I messaged Master asking if he would please fuck my hungry hole. At that point it became like the old days where I would travel at all hours of the day just to get a piece of his cock. He gave me my orders by message and I filled with anticipation, he waiting with rock hard cock.
When I arrived home I stopped as instructed across the road from our apartment and flashed my naked cunt at him while he watched from the window. When I got upstairs I didn't say a word, just went to the bathroom and gave myself a quick enema. I walked to the bedroom and knelt on the bed where my collar was waiting (the only real difference to days past). Master then pulled my collar down as I took his cock down my throat. I sucked his cock enthusiastically, knowing it would soon be in my ass. When he was ready and his cock was covered in gag juices he told me to turn around as I was to ride him. The cock head went in my ass pretty easy at first, but then with each inch it became harder and more painful. My ass spasmed around his cock and even though I wanted it I just couldn’t relax. But I had no choice. He fucked it deep as I moaned and whimpered. It was only when I was allowed to lay on my side that I relaxed enough to enjoy it. After that it was just series of orgasms. I'd shudder to climax and then it would become too intense and I'd whimper some more. Master brought himself to climax by just fucking the opening with the tip of his cock, such a cruel torment as the opening is so sensitive. He asked me if I wanted his cum. "Yes Sir, please cum in my ass!" And with that he shot his load deep inside me.
We lay there for some time, my brain complete mush. When we went to shower I got another present in the form of Masters pee, which I swallowed with pleasure.

Later on as we tried to go to sleep we both kept thinking about the GB to come and Master was soon fucking my pussy. He finished by cuming in my mouth. We were spent. Mmmmmm.

It was so good to break my ass in again, and Master loved how tight it was. I'll be encouraging more of that for sure.

Of course you'll be the first to hear all about the GB and I also have to tell you about the flogging Master gave me in public a few weeks ago.

We're back!

When lightning struck.

2010-09-09T12:22:00.003+10:00

Yesterday I found out about a girl who apparently commited suicide over the weekend. She is known to me but I don't know her well, but some of my friends do, or did. She was a well known person around the place and brought much love and joy to people as a wicked DJ. The suicide hasn't officially been pronounced but it's fairly certain. From what I hear through the grapevine she showed no signs of being depressed or indicators she might do this. So of course it has come as a big shock to most people. Suicides are so hard for people to deal with because they are usually sudden and mostly unexpected. Friends and loved ones feel helpless, like they maybe could have helped but weren't given the chance. For me it's been strange. In one way it's scary because of Master's illness and his tendency for suicidal thoughts being so close to home. And then at the same time because I'm forced to deal with the idea of suicide on a regular basis I'm a lot more willing to believe it's possible where as others are still in denial. Sadly enough it happens all the time. I was once with a friend when he got the call to tell him his sister had hung herself. It was like a lightning strike, so random, so rare and so viciously damaging. When I was young my sister's boyfriend walked into the high school in the early hours when no one was there with his surf board and shot himself in the head. A very good friend from university tried to kill himself in the bathroom of an apartment that would later be home to my best friends and upstairs from my own apartment. Everywhere people feel the need to take the ultimate control of their own lives and end it. I used to think they were selfish, cowards but I don't judge like that anymore. Perhaps if that brings them happiness why should we deny them. Mostly they have other choices, but who are we to decide what is a better choice. We only condem suicide because we are left behind and have no say over the situation, which makes us the selfish ones. Idealistically no one wouild ever get to a place where they thought out is the only way forward, but in the real world people find themselves in that place all the time. We wish we could help them but sometimes we can't. People advocate euthanasia for people suffering disease, pain or vegetative states. But aren't depressed people just as in pain as those with physical ailment, it's just that we can't see it.

RIP Mandy.

The flogger and the fucktoy.

2010-09-01T11:54:00.001+10:00

Master acquired a new flogger yesterday. We took care of a friend’s guinea pigs while he was away and so he wanted to buy us a gift. This friend has a penchant for floggers and though it would be a good gift for Master to pick one he liked and the friend would pay. So Master selected a really nice one I must say. It has a nice black leather handle, and soft leather tails. You could see he was even a little different after buying it as it was his first time owning his own BDSM implement. We have a few things of course but they are things I have bought or already had before we were together. I think he chose really well and can’t wait till he uses it on me.

Just talking about it was enough to get us both horny last night so Master used me as his slut and fucktoy. He began by slapping me, my body and face, as this always gets him hard in an instant. He then used my mouth as his fuck hole in the new side position we both love. He lays on his side as do I but my head is right down at his crotch and I just have to open my mouth and he uses it as he likes. This way he can control all the action and how deep and fast he wants his cock sucked.

When he was done with my mouth he rolled me onto my back with my legs against my chest and my hands behind my knees. He ordered me to stay there whilst he got his hobble belt and then proceeded to tie my hands in place behind my knees. He then rolled me over on my side and shoved his cock in. The great thing with me being all bent up like a pretzel is that my pussy gets super tight which feels great for both of us. He pounded away at my pussy as he slapped me and pulled my hair. His cock went really deep when he got up on his knees and left me on my side, the slight curve in his cock pushing right on my g-spot and I was screaming for all the neighbours to hear. After some time he lay on his side again to fuck me some more and grabbed my throat for leverage. I was in bliss as he lightly choked me and fucked my pussy hard and then slow. I came hard and convulsed on his cock just before he shot his cum in me. OH YEAH!

I will of course let you know how the new flogger goes.

Pheromones and Oxytocin

2010-08-30T11:49:00.000+10:00

We are each other’s sexual intoxicant. We breathe in each other as we embrace and long for the moment to be endless. He tells me it’s like getting high as he sniffs the scent from the top of my head. He even fell asleep one night with his nose at the sweet spot. Who could deny such a sweet man such a simple pleasure?

I love Master's cock!

2010-08-24T13:53:00.001+10:00

So I’ve been a lazy bitch and haven’t been doing any writing. *bends over for spanking*

I haven’t been entirely lazy though; all the usual chores getting done, bills getting paid and asses getting whipped at work. Nurse fdoll is of course always taking care of Master and his needs which she loves to do so much.

I guess my latest and greatest news is that I’ve applied to do a University course next year and I’m very excited about it. I won’t know if I’ve been accepted until January so I’ll be all over the shop for the next few months waiting for the result. I’ve applied for a Bachelor of Arts in Communication, either ‘Writing and Cultural Studies’ OR ‘Social Enquiry’ as a sub-major. I’m so craving that constant brain stimulation that Uni provides. I love learning and being able to feed my brain and having new challenges. I think I also crave the discipline as well, something that has taken time to really understand. I need someone telling me to not be lazy basically, and perhaps along the way I’ll learn some self-discipline. Master has been very supportive and work is flexible so I should be able to do whatever shifts I need to.

Master and I are very happy, so lovey and awesome. I’m infatuated with his cock, I just can’t get enough. I could stare at it for hours. Whenever I see it I want it inside me, in my mouth or pussy or ass or even just to look at it. Is it bad to be infatuated by a piece of flesh? It’s more than just flesh though, and as I explained to Master this morning I couldn’t just be in love with a cock unless it was attached to the man I love. Fuck it’s a yummy cock. It’s long and just the right thickness. It has a lovely pinky colour and the tip is perfectly tapered with just the right amount of foreskin. When it gets really hard it’s just a bit too big for my pussy which I love. YUM! Also I love the smell. I’m in bliss when he lets me nuzzle his crotch, kissing and licking his balls and cock. *sigh* I could just worship it all day.

I’m such a lucky girl!

Riding Cock!

2010-08-12T12:22:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow night is our monthly SM play party. We haven't been the last 2 months as Master wasn't feeling in the party mood. Now though he is, he's feeling much better. So we are both excited about going out and being naughty together.

We had some seriously great sex the other night. Man it was good. The kind that makes you laugh as you're fucking cause you realise how great it is. It started with me giving Master a really long blowjob. He fucked my face and I tried deepthroating him as much as possible, but also adding long slow sucks up and down the shaft, licking the head occasionally. His cock just kept getting harder and harder which made it more difficult to get down my throat as it was so big a swollen. I really wanted him to fuck me with it but I tried to be patient and just pleasure Master selflessly.

He eventually said "You want to ride it don't you?" I nodded shyly, and so he let me up so I could straddle him facing away. I wasn't allowed to ride it straight away as he wanted to tease me. He placed just the tip of his rock hard cock into my pussy and I was whimpering for more, but he held my hips defiantly and gave me a hard smack on the ass when I tried to go further. This went on inch by inch for what felt like ages. I needed his cock so bad and at the same time the teasing was driving me wilder, it was awesome. At the last inch Master paused longer and then thrust hard and deep into my cunt. Then I was allowed to ride. So I rode. And I came. And I rode and I came again. Strangely enough when my legs started to get tired I suddenly got this rush of blood to my cunt and it was super sensitive and I just needed to keep riding. The feeling got more and more intense and it gave me the energy to keep riding. I just didn’t want to stop. And then I had the most intense orgasm and screamed the roof off.

After a little pause I kept riding, I didn’t need any more but I wanted to keep pleasuring Master. When I was completely knackered and couldn’t keep going I collapsed on my bed and he took me from behind. My cunt was all swollen and sensitive so coming again was easy, and Master filled me up with a big load.

In the morning we had another lazy fuck and fell back asleep. Post-sex sleeps are the best. We both had big grins on our faces all that day. It’s great to be back to our old selves, and nice to have horny things to write here.

Sex is back!

2010-07-25T10:06:00.001+10:00

Things are pretty awesome right now, even considering what happened yesterday. After all the stuff Master and I have been through, why would we let a misunderstanding get in our way.

Ladies and gentlemen...THE SEX IS BACK!

I think we fucked four times on Friday, and twice again yesterday. I've ridden Master's harder-than-ever cock till I couldn't ride anymore. I've had multiple orgasms and had Master's cum fucked down my throat. It's been so wonderful.

Not only that but Master has found a contentment he has never known before. You know that happy feeling when everything is working and there are no immediate stresses on the horizon. Where you can sit back and smile and know that this feeling is what life is all about. Well he has that. Or at least he did until I opened my big mouth.

Without going into too much detail on the topic in question, basically I brought something up that could have waited. You know something that kind of needs talking about but isn't really urgent. I could have waited till a better time but unfortunately I didn't. And then Master read into it something catastrophic which I had no intention of and POW, we are having a crappy time after such a perfect time.

So now I think his happy balloon has been deflated and I feel to blame. At the same time I meant some of the things I said, I just didn't deliver them in the best way.

So a million sorrys my wonderful Master. I prostrate on the ground for forgiveness. I know we can always work things out. I'm not always perfect but my love for you is never-ending.

P.S Welcome back!
:)

The Crucifixion.

2010-07-15T18:46:00.002+10:00

I got to crucify a guy at work the other day. Not literally, but almost.

Read HERE!

Change.

2010-07-13T16:14:00.001+10:00

Things changed yesterday. Master and I decided that he needs to change his psychiatrist. The guy was drugging Master up and when Master complained that he didn’t like the feeling of being sedated the Dr said that it was because his dose wasn’t high enough. Are you serious! When Master asked him what the plan for the future was he just said probably more medications. He questioned what I did for a living and made comments like, “Can’t she just get more clients”, and “She should go back to her old job because it’s more stable”. He doesn’t realise that my job now is the only reason we’ve been able to survive this far. The clincher and major red flag came when the Dr suggested Master go into a voluntary hospital stay. NO! Nearly everyone I’ve spoken to says mental hospitals are the last resort, and we are nowhere near needing the last resort. I mean all we want is some help to get Master back to being able to work again, that certainly doesn’t mean being drugged up.

So we had a long talk while a took a nice hot bath and we decided he needed to find someone more modern in their thinking, more willing to treat with minimal drugs. The main thing we want is someone to listen to what we want, and work for us. After all we are paying them big bucks.

So even though you are told not to stop medications until doctors say it’s ok, Master has stopped the most recent med that he’s been given, the one that’s been sedating him. He’s still taking the sodium valproate because we know it good and works for him without making him a zombie. The wonderful thing was because he didn’t take the new one last night he could wake up easily this morning and we could cuddle. We had such a nice morning and it put us both in a good mood. Hopefully this is the start of better things. Master has been working with the psychologist who we really like and I think will provide the most beneficial healing.

So it’s just a waiting game now to see if he lapses into any bad patches once the new drug is out of his system. Hopefully this break is all he needed. I know things will be ongoing for the rest of our lives but it’s nice to have some positivity again.

Thoughts.

2010-07-12T19:25:00.001+10:00

I'm feeling a bit pent up, frustrated. I need to be used, thoroughly degraded and abused. It's been so long. I miss the firm hand of my Master grasping at my throat and stopping my breath. I miss being forced to choke on his cock, beaten, spat on, slapped and fucked. I miss feeling wanted, needed. I know he loves me. I just want to feel more like a slave and less like a nurse.

The other thing I realised is I have no time to masturbate. I'm never alone, I never have alone time. I love that we see each other a lot but I miss my alone time.

I had this small fear pop up last night as I tried to sleep. I became afraid that life will always be about Glenn, not about us and life, but about dealing with the bi-polar. Don't get me wrong, I'm committed to him and whatever that means but for a moment I was afraid that I would lose myself, like I would only exsist for him. Sounds kinda hot if it was in a dominating way, problem is the bi-polar is the only thing dominating right now.

Why do our moods change?

2010-07-06T12:55:00.002+10:00

Isn't it strange how some days we wake up feeling sad, other days we wake up feeling horny, and so many other things. How does this happen? Could be the moon, could be hormones, I just don't know.

This morning I work up with a higher than usual feeling of self discipline. It began I suppose with frugality. As is common lately I lay thinking about money before I got out of bed. I realised we can't really afford to go to our favourite fetish party this weekend. I mean there is always a way, but I began to think further than the fun of one night. I thought about debts that should be paid, bills that are also waiting and I had to decide what was more important. Perhaps it's the idea that for the first time in my life I have a real long term plan I want to stick with. I need to pay off my debts before I can save for our move, and my maxed out credit card has been plagueing me for 10years. Enough already.

I also started ironing this morning and it gave me the shits that I didn't have time to finish all the shirts.

I've been on this diet/detox and while it has frustrated me a little having a restricted diet, I also want to continue to eat relatively healthy compared to how I was eating before. Maybe the clean food is also affecting how I feel. So I packed a healthy lunch and snacks for work, which also helps save money.

The problem is I know myself and these fazes just don't last; I'll be lazy in a matter of days. Best to take advantage now. Still doesn't tell me why.

Hope in darker times.

2010-07-05T16:38:00.000+10:00

Feels like ages since I’ve posted anything, which makes filling in all the gaps even more daunting.

Master is still off work. We’ve been trying to work out the best plan forward and new obstacles are cropping up all the time. The main problem is money... isn’t it always. Sometimes the stress seems never-ending; when you work out one problem another one arises. Some days I have enough positivity for the both of us and other days I just break down in tears. I told Master today that I think he is improving, slowly, and maybe he should think about a part-time job. We are getting a measly amount of money from the government, and even though sometimes I have a good week there’s just a constant stream of bills. I suggested that maybe a little bit of income will be better than the benefits, and at some point he will need to test the waters and see if he can cope with work again. I’m sure it’s quite scary to think about but there is only one way to find out if he’s ready, and it really doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work, he can just have some more time off.

Things beside the stress have been really good though. We are so in love right now, just enjoying the time together being a couple. Master found out he can still be a citizen of the UK so we’ve been making plans to perhaps move over there in the future, once we’ve cleared our debts here and we are married. It’s actually really exciting as it’s been a dream of mine to travel through Europe and to be able to have a base in England and be a resident means the dreams is closer for me than it’s ever been. I can do the Pro Domme work over there, or cheffing to get started and we can drive to France or Italy for the weekend. What a dream! We expect we’ll need about 3 yrs to get sorted and save a bit, which is not that long at all. It also gives me time to get more experience as a Mistress and for Master to get his tattoo portfolio together. It seems so crazily awesome but viable at the same time. Something wonderful to look forward to in these darker times.

Hope all is well with readers out there, best wishes.

Followers

2010-06-15T17:52:00.000+10:00

Just wanted to say a big thanks to all the readers, commenters and followers. Just realised I have so many more followers than I used to and a lot more daily readers.

I hope I can give you some more kinky escapades as soon is Master is feeling better and back on his feet.

Love you guys!

Still here.

2010-06-15T17:50:00.001+10:00

Hello all!

It’s been sometime since the last post. I’ve mostly been busy with doctor’s appointments and balancing our finances. Master had is first consultation with his new psychiatrist but it will take a few visits to determine what direction he wants to take. He’s also booked in for his first visit with a psychologist next week which will help with the therapy side of things. It’s really a day-to-day kind of life at the moment.

Master has been trying to get his libido back in shape and the doctor said he can change one of the meds which seems to be affecting his ability to cum. It’s terribly frustrating for Master, as it would be for any man. At least we know it’s the meds and that it can be remedied. So while sex is still great it’s been sporadic.

I’m trying to get my tax sorted so we can get more money from the government which we sorely need, especially when I have a quiet week at work like this week.

I sent off an email to my Dad explaining what I do for work, so fingers crossed that it goes well.

I’m sorry I don’t have too much to say at the moment. I just wanted to check in and let you all know I’m still here.

Love will be our savior.

2010-06-03T18:21:00.001+10:00

I forgot to tell you guys that Master and I had some fuck-off wild sex the other day. It seems I’ m whinging about the bad stuff so much I miss the good stuff. Even though the medication Master is on makes it hard for him to cum, he’s still able to get hard and fuck the shit out of me. There’s something so important about sex between lovers. Even if you can’t have crazy wild sex or do anything kinky it’s so important to connect in that intimate way. When his cock is deep inside me, and we are holding each other tight it’s like our energies are interwoven. All the problems float away and it’s just the purity of love that remains.

I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday and this morning. I guess all the stress had culminated to the point when the social security office told us that I earn too much for Master to get sickness payments. They’ve offered us a poultry $116 per fortnight which is only a third of his share of our rent. I understand that I earn quite a bit some weeks, but others I can earn very little. I have no guaranteed income. So I was honest with them but I haven’t done my taxes yet and I had none of the documents to prove my income. I told them the amount to the cent and they basically assumed I lied. They assumed I would underestimate what I earned and so they overestimated. I told the truth and got punished for it. I could have lied and said Master and I were just flatmates with no romantic connection. I could have lied about how much I earned or that I was even working. The thing is this agency would find out, and they would make you pay back every cent. So damned if you do, damned if you don’t; punished either way.

Now the irony of it is that the agency appointed psychologist who assessed him and his capacity to work told us he should be off work at least until November, three months more than the doctor first suggested. At the same time they expect him to live on the piddly amount they are offering him. And he’s off sick because of a mental illness and they are treating him like any other dole bludger passing through the place. How is the stress of money problems going to help in his recovery?
So basically now I have to do my tax and then officially prove how much I earn. The other problem is that I’m doing really well at work at the moment. I have been able to cover the whole rent and keep the bills at bay, but that’s about it. I have debts, things that need to be bought for the house, rego on the car is due and it needs a new windscreen. My laptop battery has packed it in and my mobile phone has almost died, and I forgot all the doctors we will have to go and see. The list seems endless. So basically all the shit has hit the fan at once.

Just glimpsing out of all the shit is a little ray of light. Our love will carry us through, I know that. We have to remind ourselves that as long as we are together we can make it. Love does conquer all; I just hope our relationship doesn’t suffer because of all the stresses.

Doctors and pills.

2010-05-25T15:47:00.000+10:00

As soon as I saw Master last night I was straight back to loving nurse mode, I told you I can’t help it. I immediately felt bad about being angry but at the same time I know I need to vent sometimes. I think as time goes on things seem harder, well at least for me. When I asked Master the other day if things were getting worse he said that it was more that he was no longer hiding what was inside his head. I was now seeing what he’d been going through for a long time. Because of this I thought things were better than they actually were and so I didn’t push him to get more help or stay on medication.

Now that we’ve started the healing process it’s a waiting game. We waited a week to check a blood test to see if his current meds are at the right level, only to find out the test is either wrong or way off the scale. Now another week and another blood test. Two weeks to wait to find out what I have assumed all along; they aren’t working. That much is obvious. And then there is the next alternative: Lithium. I read through some side effects today, actual people telling their stories. The worst thing beyond the side effects is they only recommend you stay on it for 3-5yrs. Then what? I mean it’s pretty obvious, and all the websites confirm that the best prevention is sticking to the meds full time. Eh...very confusing. I suppose that’s what doctors are there for.

I'm not ok.

2010-05-24T16:40:00.001+10:00

People keep asking me how I am. I nod and say I’m doing ok. What else should I say? No actually I’m pretty devastated that my partner can’t cope with daily life and I don’t know when or how he will get back to even a semblance of normality. How about I tell them I worry that he might have hurt himself when he’s been in the bathroom too long and that I should probably think about hiding those knives we used to use for play.

I’m kind of pissed off right now. The reason being he hasn’t had lunch today, and yes I have to check that he has eaten or else he won’t. He has no real desire to help himself and as much as he might say he forgot the time or wasn’t hungry the lack of care factor is pretty obvious. How do I make him care enough about himself that he will do the most basic thing to help him live?

What is also hard is when you want to be pissed off about something that most couples would just deal with and get past in normal life, and I have to watch everything out of my mouth in case I cause him to break down. Having a conversation about dinner can be an ordeal. Even writing this I worry about him freaking out once he’s read it, blaming himself for something neither of us have control over.

Taking care of him is pretty natural, like seeing a lost kitten and wanting to hug it, feed it and keep it warm and safe. Even if you don’t want to take the burden you do because of love, there really is no question. But I’m a selfish bottomy sub damn it, when is my time? I guess this is it. While I sit surrounded by people doing their own thing at work, I’m having my catharsis behind my blank face...wanting to cry.

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m ok and I’m not.

Snippets

2010-05-16T11:07:00.001+10:00

It’s hard to write at the moment, I’m not sure what I want to say or share. Maybe it’s like all the emotion and stress that’s built up doesn’t want to be unravelled. At the same time I feel kind of calm, but I think that comes down to a cat-like readiness...waiting for whatever might need my attention.

For those that don’t follow Master’s blog, his bi-polar has caught up with him. Life just became too hard and he could no longer cope with going to work and dealing with the outside world. When we went and saw the doctor and Master was explaining how frequent his suicidal thoughts were I suddenly felt this guilt that I’d let things go on so long. For Master these thoughts have been occurring for such a long time that they were almost normal and most of the time he hides them from me. I realised and I think Master did too that even having suicidal thoughts for a small time warrants investigation. He could no longer deny what had been going through his head, he couldn’t hold up the mask that showed him as a normal happy individual any more.

The thing with me is I go into damage control very quickly. I don’t usually get hysterical when an emergency happens I immediately take care of the problem and hold back my emotions for a time when I know things are under control. So after the crisis team had come over and we had a plan in action, when I knew Master was safely with a friend then it all hit me. That’s how I deal with things; I wait till the right time or at least a moment where I can exhale. At the moment though I don’t feel I can do that for too long at a time because what if something happens and I’m caught off guard.

There are two things that completely break my heart, hearing Master talk about his past, and hearing him talk about wanting to die. I in no way want him to stop telling me those things, in fact I need to hear them. I love him so intensely and in those moments I love him even more, like my love can save him.

I know I’m giving you only snippets but I think that’s all I’ve got. I think I’m just waiting to see what happens. We know things are going to get better, we just don’t know where the path lays just yet.

No more comments on EP.

2010-05-03T14:47:00.003+10:00

I'd just like to say I will be not be publishing any more comments on the Elite Pain post. I was very open about letting debate occur but I am kind of over it now. My site is not about them, nor do I want to talk about them anymore. If you want to discuss them any futher create your own blog. Comments on all other posts are welcome of course.

That is all.

Well hello there!

2010-05-03T14:45:00.000+10:00

Well hello there! I’ve been away for a while. I’ve found I’ve been so busy living life that I haven’t had the energy to relay what’s been going on. But I haven’t forgotten about you all.

General update is in order I suppose. Master is back on his meds, which is a good thing. He really gave it a go without them, but too many symptoms started taking over his life so it was best he go back on. He’s starting to get a bit better now, although his work isn’t helping keep the stress levels down. He’s had a rough time but we are getting that sorted too.

My Dad had a lump removed from his throat which turned out to be cancerous but they think it’s all been removed. It was quite stressful waiting for the results, and made me think a lot about the shortness of life. I’ve been fighting this internal battle of whether to tell him about my work, and the whole lump thing made it even harder. I really want to be truthful to him as I hate lying about what I do, and yet I’m not sure it’s the right choice from his perspective.

I’ve also been doing some other writing for a food website my sister works for. It’s not paid as yet but I’m out there on the intertubz, spouting my opinions on food and its relationship to art.

I got myself my first tattoo for my birthday just a few weeks ago and I love it. I enjoyed getting it so much I was contemplating the next one when I was only half way through. That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, but it could be compared to taking a whipping; you push through the pain for an end result and then when you are done you feel you’ve achieved something.

Master and I have been working on our relationship as much as possible, ironing out the kinks so to speak. I’ve been lucky to get more discipline at home when Master has been feeling up to it and of course awesome sex too.

We really want to get a puppy but we can’t have pets in our apartment and we can’t even hide it as the body corporate lady lives downstairs. I keep torturing myself by going past the pet store and then leaving in tears cause I can’t take one home. Silly me.

Well I broke the seal... a few other things on my mind but I’ll leave those for separate posts. Welcome back me. :D

Mouse traps, as promised.

2010-04-05T12:36:00.003+10:00

Traps firmly in place.

Some nice aftercare.

Master removing the traps.

Flogging, caning and mouse traps.

2010-04-02T12:52:00.003+11:00

Back to your regular perverted viewing....

Master and I attended a private play party last weekend, at the house of a woman I work with. I find it funny we are such good friends now, me and this woman, because she used to hate my guts. LOL. When I first started at my job, my good friend T was arch-enemies with this woman (K). So K hated me purely for the fact I was friends with T. About eight months go by and K realises I’m not a bad person and starts being civil to me, then adds me on ‘generic social networking site’, then we reach today where I’m invited to her private play parties.

There had been some banter between her and Master about me receiving a flogging. I was of course excited and nervous at the same time. I trusted her completely as she is a very skilled Mistress, it was more that I had not played with her before and I never expected I would play with her.

We were all sitting around at the party and she asked if I was ready and made some other comment about taking orders and I got all subby and blushed. Everyone was taken aback at how submissive I was. You must realise most of these people only see me at work, when I’m all toppy and have my Mistress persona on...or at least my ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude. So they were all very surprised by this other side of me.

Master and K went off to discuss what the rules were and I sat nervously awaiting my discipline. Finally I was called into the room and everyone followed to watch the scene. Master bound my hands to the St Andrew’s cross; I was naked except for my collar. K started by putting a gas mask on me. We’d discussed breath play earlier and I said I would try it even though I was a bit nervous about it. You see I love breath play as you all know by now. I love choking, hand over mouth, around throat etc. I even love tight bondage that cuts off my breathing and wearing really tight corsets. The thing I can’t handle is being smothered, I get really claustrophobic. Master has used pillows just laid over my face and I freak out. I try and deal, and I love the fear element, but I usually have to mercy out on that kind of thing. (Fear of being buried alive me thinks.)

So back to the party, K puts the gas mask on me. The air is already restricted to the amount that can come into the hose at the front, so I began to slow my breathing. The she put her hand over the hose for a short time and when the air returned I sucked deeply, thankful for the respite. I started to get calm and floaty, really enjoy the play. But then the thought of her flogging me with the mask on and I freaked out. Alone it was fine, I could concentrate on it and know that I could still breathe but the thought of adding something intense into the mix was just too much. I tapped out of the mask and thanked K for the new experience. I would definitely do it again, I loved it.

Then came the flogging. I found her style a little intense, I need more of a build up to get my endorphins going and at the same time it was really great. She pushed the endorphins out of me and soon I was sinking into each painful stroke. She was really enjoying it too, telling me afterwards how much she loved the subby side of me. I think all the people watching liked it too. LOL.

Part way through they introduced the mouse traps. K had been joking about it all week and both Master and I were like ‘no fucking way’. So when I saw Master bring them over I was both nervous and a little calmed by the fact he was going to apply them. He raised the metal bar and slowly placed my nipple inside. He let the trap close over my nipple and when it was done I was like “Is that it?” Seriously, this thing was lighter than a peg. It was all in the mind fuck. Brilliant. They were left on for the rest of the scene and they didn’t even hurt much to take off. (Pics hopefully to come.)

I got some nice cane strokes too. About six all up I think, but she made them count. The sharp crack of the cane followed by the sweet endorphin rush was just bliss. The last stroke on the tops of the thighs made me drop to my knees (my hand having been untied before this). They gave me a break after that. It was short but intense play, a good first time with a new play partner. We were both very pleased with the experience, eager for the next time.

I also did a little watersports with another girl I work with. She just came bounding out onto the balcony saying “Who wants to be pissed on?” I of course said yes. Then everyone wanted to join, but Master restricted the play to only girls allowed to pee on me. So it was just me and her and all the guys watching. I knelt down in the shower first while she pissed on me and then I returned the favour. We then had a shower and a little cuddle. The guys were so jealous, but at least they got to watch.

It was a really fun night, very much looking forward to the next one.

P.S Master is feeling a bit better today, seems to be coming out of this down.

Feelings.

2010-04-01T13:18:00.001+11:00

Pt. 1

Standing at the bus stop bored and running late for work. Thought I should update since it's been a while.

Master has been going through a rough patch lately. It's a bit of a long one this time. I think because it's not linked to anything in particular it's harder to deal with. Most people get depressed about an event or something bad in their life. Master gets depressed even though he is really happy deep down. Things will trigger off small downward spirals, but really it's not attached to anything more than his chemical make-up.
I know this will happen from time to time, and that's ok, but I just wish him some respite...some light at the end of the tunnel. I know it will come.

Unfortunately this leaves him little energy to dominate or discipline me. To even think about asking makes me feel selfish for I can't really understand the toll it takes on him.

I was looking at some support networks set up for bi-polar and depression and came across some info for carers. I guess that's what I am, although it sounds a bit too clinical. I wonder if that would be good for me. I mean it is at times stressful, and in a way I'd like to hear other people’s challenges and ways they deal with caring for their loved ones. At the same time I think would it really help? Maybe I’d have nothing in common with them.

Pt. 2

At work now, and just had a quick chat with Master. I was explaining how I felt a bit flat because works been quiet and money is scarce. Master told me to write a blog post about what I was feeling and I realised that I was most upset about this down period and how long it’s been going. I wasn’t going to post the above as I don’t like to make Master stress more when he’s having a bad time.

I guess I didn’t realise till now how much this down has affected me. I’m welling up just writing this so I must be a little upset. It’s also that time of the month so I’m probably a little more emotional than normal.

To be honest with myself I think I’m just a bit tired...emotionally. I’ve been putting a lot of energy into helping Master and he hasn’t been able to put any back into me. I don’t say these things because I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining, but I think I do need to acknowledge them to myself so I can keep going.

We haven’t had much sex lately, something that’s very important for me. It’s how we connect, I need it. I also need discipline and domination. Fuck I sound like a whinger. Eh.

I miss the old days too; doing crazy exhilarating things. Going out in the middle of the night, fucking in alley ways, having hour long fuck sessions. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I know things change, but they don’t need to. I don’t want to become complacent about our sex life, not yet, hopefully not ever.

It’s kind of like I’ve lost my crazy bad boy. I have my beautiful lover, my soul mate, and of course that’s wonderful. I just miss the other too. It’s like something Master once said to me. He wanted me to be his girlfriend, his loving partner at home. And he also wants me to be his slutty bitch on the side, the whore he cheats on me with. I guess I feel like only his girlfriend at the moment.

Whinge much? Fuck. I’m only publishing this because I’ve been ordered too. My feelings for you Master.

I need a drink.

And in retort to myself...fuck you and your selfish bullshit. So many people would give anything to be in a wonderful committed relationship; just having a beautiful and simple life. You just have to ask for more don’t you. Selfish bitch!

I want a gangbang....I think.

2010-03-22T12:44:00.000+11:00

Master has been organising a gangbang. Well more specifically he has been hunting down groups that provide a gangbang experience. It truly is one of my major fantasies and one I have yet to play out. It excites me to the point of gushing and yet scares the hell out of me. I suppose that’s partly why I’m so drawn to it. Why it scares me so is that I not only wonder if I can cope (although I’m pretty sure I can) but even more that the men will not abide by my wishes. Of course Master will be there so I know I will be safe but it’s a pretty valid fear all the same. I’m still getting very excited just thinking about it now. I wonder how many guys I could handle. I think the one thing I know about myself though is that once I get horny I can do pretty much anything. I mean the thought of even sucking a guy off while another fucks me makes me think about more cock, cocks surrounding me and all waiting their turn for a go. Oh god I need to stop now before I make the seat wet. Don’t worry, you’ll all be the first to hear about it when it happens. Special thanks to doll for the renewed inspiration.

Play Party

2010-03-17T17:32:00.001+11:00

The picture from the last post was taken as Master and I were getting ready to go to our monthly play party. I’ve told you about it before; we’ve fucked a few times and watched others play too. We had quite a big group of friends going this time so it was a lot of fun. I also took a good friend for his first kinky party and he loved it. He got thrown in the deep end at one point, walking in on a piercing scene. He was pretty spun out but that was the only thing that really fazed him. He knows about Master and my relationship and he’s always interested to hear about what goes on at my work.

I got a spanking from a girlfriend of mine, but when she got a bit to heavy I decided to turn the tables. She agreed to take a few cane strokes and climbed up on the A frame. She took a couple of strokes from another friend and then I stepped up to the plate. All the boys were watching eagerly, excited by the girl on girl discipline. I gave her two hard strokes, each one delivered perfectly on the mark. She wriggled with pleasure, savouring the pain.

At another point Master had been doing breath play on me and had gotten hard. So he decided to take me upstairs to fuck. When we got up there the play rooms were just too bright. We don’t mind playing in front of others, but I think there needs to be a bit of the dark seedy feel. It’s better to hear it all going on and not be able to see all of the action. We went back downstairs and it seemed Master had decided on a new plan. We walked through the dance floor and Master dragged me behind a curtain in the corner. I don’t know why it would be there other than for what we were about to do. A hard slap landed on my cheek, and I just melted. A few more got me really subby and soon after I was on my knees sucking Master’s already rock hard cock. Not long after he pulled me up onto my feet and spun me around so he could fuck me from behind. The music drowned out my moans as Master fucked me hard. Master told me later that a couple kept looking around the curtain to watch us. I was off in another world so I didn’t notice.

Master kept his load for later, and I had that and more when we got home.

He’s promised some video of us fucking for you all to watch. I’ll have to remind him.

Master loves those boots.

2010-03-15T16:03:00.002+11:00

A pic of me partially dressed before a party on the weekend. Next post will be some juicy details of what I got up to.

Q & A - New at this.

2010-03-08T15:47:00.005+11:00

Q. What would you say to someone who recently discovered her submissive side and is only 18?

A. Well, the first thing you are doing is right, you are reading. I read a lot when I first got into this. I read lots of blogs and books. A good book for beginners is SM101 by Jay Wiseman. It covers all the topics, including important things for beginners like safewords, silent alarms and finding like minded people. It’s a little dated now but is still very good.

Finding like-minded people is most important; you need a support network of people that understand what you are exploring. For some people their friends are into it and for others they only have ‘vanilla’ friends. Check if there are any groups that meet in your area or clubs where you might meet people. Drag a friend along for support if you can as it can be a little intimidating at first. If there are SM clubs near you go and watch. Just take things in and chat to people. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything till you are ready. That said exploring in public can be good as you are safe with many people watching. Depends if you are an exhibitionist or not.

I met a lot of people on the internet as well. Fetlife, Alt.com and I think Collar Me (haven’t used it) are a good way to meet people in the scene. I find Fetlife very good for the forums to learn about all the topics under the sun. Talk to other subs and ask questions or just read as I said before.

On a serious note, be careful. There are a lot of men and women out there that want to prey on submissives who are new. Just act smart. Get to know someone online before you meet them. If you do meet someone always let a friend know where you are going and when they should expect you home. Meet in a public place. (Check SM101 for the silent alarm protocol). Hopefully you already know people that are kinky and you can meet people through them. But if not, don’t be scared. You will meet lovely people.

On the nicer side, just explore. Embrace your submissive nature. Maybe do some writing yourself. Write down things that make you feel submissive, fantasies you have or things that you don’t want to try. You need to get to know your own submissive nature, so to make lists and get to know her is a good start. If you are unsure of things right now, that’s ok too. It will take time to know yourself, and you will most likely change along the way.

Have fun. Find a Master or Mistress you can trust and explore. Don’t be too in a hurry to become someone’s slave/sub. Best to have a play partner for a while and see how things go. Giving your submission to someone is very special and takes time to be sure about. I hate to sound dramatic, and I’m only guessing that these are the things you might want to know. If I’m totally off topic let me know.

If you ever have questions feel free to email me at: sub.f.doll@gmail.com

Also I know a lot of my readers are subs so if anyone else can help with this question feel free to add things in the comments.

Q & A - First times.

2010-03-08T09:01:00.004+11:00

Q. Can you describe your first time (all three if you want)?

A. Good question, and my first (lol). I’m guessing you mean each different hole, so that’s how I’ll answer.

Mouth

Oral for me was like a necessity when I first did it and not something I enjoyed for quite a long time. I can’t exactly recall my first time, but it would have been around the time I started having sex which was around 16yrs. I remember finding it weird and I think I had my eyes closed the first few times. What I do distinctly remember is that I hated when guys put their hand on the back of your head and forced you down. The funny thing is I love that now, like really love it. But I was only 16 at the time and these were cocky country town teenage boys who didn’t know any better. It actually took me years, probably until I was with my husband before I started enjoying oral. The better I got the more I enjoyed it and now I love it, but I think that’s also part of my submissive side coming out.

Vagoo

The first time I had sex was on NYE and I must have been 15. I grew up in the country so NYE was getting completely and mindlessly drunk and trying to sober up before you got picked up by your parents. So I was fairly drunk and started talking to this boy from out of town and we kissed a bit and ended up at the beach. Drunken beach party is so where I grew up. We wandered off and did on the beach. I know I had sex with the guy but I don’t remember feeling it. Maybe I was too drunk to feel it or maybe he had a tiny teenage pecker, but it didn’t hurt or anything. I remember joking to people later in life that it didn’t count as my first time cause I didn’t feel it, but it was the first. The next couple of years consisted of dud teenage roots. I could say my first time was when I fucked a man and had my first orgasm, that’s when sex really started for me.

Anal

My first anal experience is a pretty good story. I was at Uni, about 19yrs, and I was seeing this guy about the same age. He was really cute and we had the most awesome sex, very passionate. His mother was a nurse and he somehow got morphine tablets off her and would spend his days off taking morphine and wandering around. So I wanted to try it, and we were at his brother’s house when we took it. His brother was pretty cool, let us hang out and smoke bongs and stuff. Anyway the guy told me I would throw up from the morphine and then everything would be awesome. Well I did throw up and then everything was awesome. We decided to have sex, and I’m not sure if we’d spoken about it prior but I knew I did want to try anal. So he suggested it and obviously I was very relaxed and he just put it right in. It was amazing. I ended up screaming my head off in ecstasy but his brother was home and he totally got the shits. LOL. We didn’t care though cause we were having a great time.

It was a few years after that I tried again, and it took some coaxing to do when I wasn’t on drugs. But I eventually got used to it and learned how to enjoy it. Now it’s great, except Master’s cock is big and it’s a lot harder than it used to be with other partners. He likes me to brag about that though and loves seeing me squirm trying to take it all in.

Wow, this is a great way to get a post done. I could talk about this shit all day, I just need some prompting. So bring on more questions I say.

Awesome sex is awesome!

2010-03-07T13:24:00.001+11:00

Master and I had to best sex the other day. I can’t explain why really, it was pretty tame for us. Maybe it was the position, or that I’d had a little pot before hand, but whatever the reason it left me a shaking mess afterwards. He fucked me doggy and that position makes me come easier, and I also seemed to be more sensitive that night. It felt like I was coming continuously, and then when Master finished and pulled out I just fell over in a heap. I couldn’t talk, I knew things were happening around me and I needed to come back down to earth but it was taking some time. I hadn’t had one of those in months. Not that our sex isn’t always good, but one of those ‘I can’t talk for 5 minutes afterwards’ kind of fucks. Wow, awesome!!

Mid fuck I got a healthy spanking and 5 cane strokes (the night’s discipline). Master made it particularly difficult as I not only had to count backwards but using the alphabet starting from E. He just wanted to catch me out of course, but I concentrated hard and got them all right.

Friday night’s task was anal. It had been so long since I’d had anal and I was terribly nervous, but excited too. I had the day off so I spent the whole day cleaning the house after a very long sleep-in. Around 4pm as instructed I began preparing for Master’s return and the imminent ass raping. I gave myself a few enemas, in between inserting butt plugs to warm up the hole and continued with my housework. I ironed Master’s work shirts with a medium and then larger butt plug in. That was very new and interesting. My anticipation was heightened with all the inserting and removing, but I was nervous about wearing out the hole too much so after an hour or so I just left them out.

When Master returned home he took a long shower as he’d gotten stuck in horrible peak-hour traffic. I’d met him at the door in only my collar and knee high stiletto boots, with an opened cold beer for him. He told me to remove the boots so I could join him in the shower and wash him from head to toe. Once he was clean I was ordered onto my knees to make him hard with my mouth. I could tell he intended to take my ass right there in the shower but I begged him to allow me to lie on the bed as I find difficult to stand and relax at the same time. He afforded me my request and told me to hurry to the bedroom. No preparing really helps when his cock is shoved in for the first time. I may have been a little looser but his cock just takes up so much room. *giggle*

He gave me the pillow to scream into and I did just that as he used my ass the way he wanted. Master changed into a few positions and each time got in a little deeper. It took quite a while for me to relax as my hole was so out of practice, but eventually I got right into it. Master found the trick to get me to relax, punching me in the back of the head. Immediately I was backing up on him and grunting, so horny and in need of his cock. I came so hard. The only problem is after I cum suddenly my ass hurt again. So I just screamed some more into my pillow until the next wave of horniness hit. Right at the end I got so into it, rubbing my clit and begging Master to cum in my ass.

I definitely need more practice though, and I’m sure Master won’t mind that one bit.

Q & A

2010-03-04T12:18:00.004+11:00

So I believe March is Question and Answer month. I haven't done this before so I'm just going on what my favourite bloggers have suggested on their sites. Ask whatever you like. If you don't want to leave your name you can email (sub.f.doll@gmail.com) and I'll post your question anonamously or just leave the questions in the comment field of this post. Also if you have questions for Master I can pass them on and post his answers here too.

Rituals

2010-03-04T08:35:00.003+11:00

Master has begun a new ritual of locking my collar on every night before sleep and attaching the chain which hangs from the side of the bed. He’d been doing this periodically before we went away but since we arrived back it’s been every night. I made particular mention of how it gives me comfort and the once rigid collar now feels so at home around my neck when I’m sleeping, so much so that he almost forgot to unlock it before he went to work this morning. To some this may seem obligatory or standard practice but with Master’s old job his hours were unpredictable and it’s not the same putting your own collar on. So now he works business hours he can lock the collar on me every night and we can begin more routine rituals for our D/s relationship. I think rituals and routine is very healthy for both Master and slave, it reminds us of the roles we have chosen and gives clarity of mind when we focus on the simple truths of our dynamic.

I wrote Master a letter last night after reading a post by shorn’s Mistress. The particular point that stood out was how shorn gets discipline every night. Now I’m not sure if shorn is a masochist or not and in her situation I gather it’s not of too much consequence anyway, but since I am one discipline can be a tricky line. There is the common saying about the only way to punish the masochist is to withdraw discipline all together. I suppose that’s where I make the distinction between ‘discipline’ being the act of sadism upon me as the reward side and ‘punishment’ being any act being used to chastise me when I’ve done something wrong.

So when I read about shorn’s nightly ritual I couldn’t help crave a similar situation, not only from a masochist’s sometimes greedy desire, but from a slave’s desire to be kept in, and reminded of, her place.

Here is the letter I sent to Master and his reply:

Dear Master,

I wanted to write to you as I’d read something interesting today that I wanted to run past you. I’ve been really enjoying having the collar locked on me every night. The feel of the chain is really comforting to me now. So what I read today is about ritual, just as we’ve made a ritual of the collar. A slave who’s blog I read gets disciplined every night. Her particular situation is she brushes her Mistress’ hair and then hands the Mistress the brush to receive her nightly discipline. Now even writing this I seem a little selfish, so of course it would always be at your discretion. I understand sometimes you are tired or don’t feel like it. And I’m not really asking for a massive session, maybe just a 10min spanking, a number of cane stroke or whatever you think is appropriate. Anyway, just something I wanted to run by you. I love you very much Sir.

Your loving slave

His:

Thank you for your email doll..

I understand the idea of ritual, and I see how it could be good (not just for you, but also to allow me a constant theme of Domination over you)..

I think the collar should be worn by you everynight now on (easier as I'm working steady hours now too), and I think that either a caning, flogging or spanking could also be mixed up with rough throat fucking some nights, and hard anal on others...

Thank you again for your idea though ;)

I was very pleased of course that Master liked my idea, and I particularly like the part where he said we would mix up the different dominant acts. So when he picked me up last night it was very late and I’d had a really slow and boring day at work. I was really irritable and just thought I’d sleep it off and in a way hoping he wouldn’t start our new plan that night. And at the same time I knew I couldn’t ask for something and then be choosy about when it was given to me, so in some ways that thought calmed me a little. I lay down to read my book, collar on and chain attached. Master knelt up beside my head, cock already erect and shoved it in my mouth. After a little sucking he withdrew his cock, straddled my head and began fucking my throat. He grabbed the back of my head and roughly pounded it up and down his shaft. When he’d had enough face fucking he pressed his balls into my face and I went to work with my tongue and mouth, licking and sucking while he stroked his cock. He pulled back a little to give me three hard face slaps and then smothered me again with his balls. It was that instant that everything fell away. All the stress and irritability just washed away and I was only his slave, serving him as best I could. It was such a relief, and inside I smiled realising why this dominant act needed to happen every night. After Master came in my mouth I lay on the bed so content; I felt like I had been fucked and cum. I rolled over and nestled his side in appreciation for releasing me from my tension. I also thought how silly I was to question if I needed this nightly ritual. Of course it’s always at his discretion, and I’m thankful for any time he chooses to put me in my place.

Back from the bush.

2010-03-03T17:22:00.001+11:00

We’re back! Camping was great, although it took a few days for Master to relax. I think he did really well though, considering he’d never been camping before, had no internet access and was meeting my parents for the first time. We got lots of sun, did some fishing (I caught a few), ate lots and had plenty of beer too. Master was well received by my family, not that I was really worried about that. Of course he was a little nervous, but after a few days everyone was relaxed and knew where they stood.

After about 2 days I realised I missed being submissive. I’d forgotten all the things I was used to doing for Master. I almost felt sick, and so out of place. So from then I made an effort to try and serve him in a covert way. I’d expressed this distress to him and he gave me few subtle orders to follow to make me feel more at ease, and I’m sure it made him feel better too.

We had sex a couple of times, but nothing like our usual. So when we got home it was nice to get slapped around a bit and get a good hard fucking. I’m looking forward to the weekend when I’ll try and convince Master to give me some discipline. I’m sure it won’t take much convincing.

We’ve been invited to a friend’s play party, the first private one Master has been to. It will be more intimate than the ones he’s been to before. I’m sure we will have a great time and will have some stories to relay afterwards.

It’s good to be back online; now it’s time to catch up on my favourite blogs.

Update from high quality bed sheets.

2010-02-17T08:17:00.002+11:00

Master has taken to chaining me to bed at night. The leash is attached to our bed and then to my collar. There is enough chain for me to roll over and it’s actually been quite comfortable, as far as steel collars go. It’s so nice to wake up with it on, like this morning. I think this morning was made particularly nice by the new cotton sheets that Master bought for me. They are 500 thread count Egyptian cotton and I love them to bits. I’m currently sat in them now and I hate to think of getting out. Being summer here we only have the flat sheet as a cover and it’s both warm and cool at the same time, and so luxuriously smooth. It’s made it very difficult to get out of bed. This morning I failed to wake in time to make Master’s breakfast; I blame it on the sheets. Hmmmm perhaps they weren’t a good idea. LOL.

I hurt my toe the other day and it was difficult to walk properly so I had to get Master to help with a few things around the house. It was hard asking him to do things, not because of his willingness, just because I’m now so used to doing it all myself. I felt a bit like I was making him do too much but I suppose I have to be sick or injured sometimes and I can’t always do everything. Oh gee I sounded like a martyr then (not my intention).

Master met my sister last week and will be meeting my parents in a few days. We are travelling to a nice country camping spot for a bit of a family holiday. I know he’s a bit nervous, as am I, but he will do just fine. My sis already likes him heaps and I know my parents will too. What’s not to like? I told my sis all about the past and the bi-polar and she was really open and supportive. I could see she knew I was in a really good place now and the past didn’t really matter. At the same time she understood we had been through a lot together already and it has built a strong foundation for us as a couple.

The camping spot we go to is like paradise. Imagine a pristine but wild beach. At one end is small inlet bringing seawater into a lake. The inlet is thin but deep with a strong current. The inlet turns into a clear sandy river and then into a deep lake. The land is like a peninsular with the beach on one side and the lake on the other and is about 50 meters across. The campsite is nestled in the trees and my dad has a fireplace set up as well as a table that stays at the site permanently. He sets up his gas run fridge so you can have cold beer and store meat for a number of days which makes for good barbequing. There are fresh vegetables from his garden and a whole larder of food to snack on. The best part is you can only get there by boat. You start up river, boarding the boat at a friend’s property and you carefully make your way up the tiny river. It’s just a tin boat so doesn’t go very fast but allows you to take in the scenery. The river opens up into the lake and then you shortly arrive at the little beach on the lake side ready to disembark. Once you’ve arrived there is only one rule; do as much or as little as you want. We fish in the lake, swim, eat, drink beer, sleep, go for walks and just generally relax. I’ve been looking forward to it for months. There is of course no internet access which means no posts for a week or so; but I shall return.

I better get some housework done soon, once I pry myself out of these sheets.

I remember how much I love you.

2010-02-15T16:38:00.001+11:00

I remember when you went to hospital, and I was afraid I’d never hear if something serious happened to you. I remember telling you through my tears and you looked surprised, like no one had ever cared that much about you. And then you made arrangements, so I would feel better. That really meant a lot to me.

I remember walking across the harbour bridge for the first time ever...with you. Then we sat at that cafe and I had to try my hardest not to tell you how I felt, but I think you knew.

I remember the bath in the expensive hotel. It was surrounded with candles and was full of hot water covering our new love. We were still shy to share our feelings, but soon we relaxed into it.

I remember looking into your eyes as they put the needle in your spine, and I tried not to show how scared I was. But I was terrified.

I remember you riding in the middle of winter, in the rain, to then climb in my bed before the sun was barely awake. We would cuddle in my single bed and fall asleep.

I remember that day at the pub when you asked me to be yours...forever. It was the most romantic thing ever.

I love you.

I'm just going to leave this here.

2010-02-13T16:10:00.002+11:00

We are losing our freedom.

2010-02-13T13:34:00.010+11:00

Unfortunately I haven’t been able to write any smut lately, although great sex is being had. I did though need to break the bloggers drought with a topic that’s been heavily on my mind the past few days.

We here in Australia are dealing with Internet censorship. Our government has created a mandatory internet filter which will come into effect in the next few weeks. This filter is to ‘protect us’ against harmful and unwanted content and will use a blacklist of Refused Classification (RC).

“Content defined under the National Classification Scheme as Refused Classification includes child sexual abuse imagery, bestiality, sexual violence, detailed instruction in crime, violence or drug use and/or material that advocates the doing of a terrorist act.”

The law makers are heavily selling this as protection for our children to gain the moral high ground, and this allows them to slip in any content they don’t agree with.

To give a little brief history of the topic for those OS, we were introduced to the concept of internet filtering some years back. At that stage parents who wanted to protect their children from internet nasties could purchase a private filter for their home that would restrict what their child could view.

Then the government proposed a country-wide filtering system to again help parents keep their children safe. This system was sold to the public as an Opt-In product so anyone who wanted to use it could, and those who wanted the freedom to be an adult could leave their intertubz untainted.

The next thing we hear is that due to overwhelming support for the filter it would, from then on, be and Opt-Out system. Suddenly anyone wanting uncensored internet would have to say “Please Sir turn off my filter” and be inevitably blacklisted themselves.

Now we have a MANDATORY system. No option, no choice. And worst of all if you stand up for your freedom of information then you are labelled as a child abuse supporter.

Where is my freedom of choice?

Aren’t I an adult who can decide for myself what is and isn’t appropriate?

Why are my freedoms being encroached upon under the guise of child protection? I am all for their protection, and I abhor child abuse but we seem to have forgotten about parents. Aren’t the parents supposed to be protecting their children? Shouldn’t kids be supervised while using the internet? Or is it because, as a friend pointed out the other day, parents have become so lazy that they’ve passed their parental responsibility onto the government?

Now considering the line that we are protecting our children by enforcing this filter, and the funding for the filtering project is coming from the child protection budget, why have they added things like euthanasia and terrorism to the blacklist? It’s quite obvious this blacklist is basically anything the government doesn’t agree with and deems dangerous because of its illegality. Just come out and say we want to protect everyone instead of having the poor children as your poster child to gain support for censorship.

The government has also added a few new categories to what is classified as illegal porn here in our not-so-great country. Already it is illegal to sell SM porn, although thanks to the internet I can still view my favourite porn sites (who knows how long for). Strangely they classify watersports in the same category as sexual violence; like pissing on someone is as bad a hitting them. (Note: I say ‘bad’ as in the sense of deemed bad by the law makers, you all know how I feel about SM).

So now they have added female ejaculation to the list as it is ‘similar’ to urination. *holding back the rage at these people’s ignorance* Also banned is porn with small breasted women, because they look too childlike. Yes, you heard me right... small breasted woman.

And as much as I rage I can’t do anything about it. You’d think with something as important as censorship we’d have a vote or a referendum. It’s really a joke. I’ve been assured by geek friends that the filter will be easily by-passable, but even so I may not be able to even view my own blog or other SM blogs I follow. Scary stuff people.

This then brings me to Anonymous. You may or may not have heard of the fluxing group that calls themselves Anonymous. You may or may not agree with what they do or think. Earlier this week they attacked our government’s website with a distributed denial of service, an act which is illegal. They brought down a number of sites as well as spamming government email addresses with porn.

You can see the first video anon did last year, and the one that accompanied the attacks this week.

Note: they mention the UN Charter of Human Rights, which in itself is a great argument. Unfortunately Australia did not sign it. Yeah, super!

Personally I think they did a great job. I had some heavy debate with Master over this and he pointed out that because they used illegal methods they won’t be taken seriously. Of course the anti-filtering groups decried their acts saying they damage their cause. It makes sense that they would distance themselves from any illegal act. So I had a look at a couple of initiatives that these groups proposed.

Get Up’s only initiative is to email the Broadband Minister Stephen Conroy and tell him why you think the filter should be stopped. Hmmm... considering that the site encourages you to get your email in before Conroy sneaks the bill in before Christmas, and it’s now February and the plan is still going ahead....I think their initiative may be slightly useless and its site obviously out of date.

Stop Internet Censorship. org are having BBQs and planning ‘planning meetings’. And Block The Filter . org couldn’t even get organised enough to get a permit to protest. FFS.

Anonymous on the other hand got a ton of media with their “illegitimate protest”, aka Operation Titstorm.

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/operation-titstorm-hackers-bring-down-government-websites-20100210-nqku.html

http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/02/anonymous-unfurls-operation-titstorm/

http://www.pcauthority.com.au/News/166956,operation-titstorm-attacks-aussie-web-filtering-plans.aspx

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/02/10/2815605.htm

And even the UK heard us: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/10/aus_gove_ddos_protest/

And this is only a few of the stories.

Now as we all know all publicity is good publicity. We needed to be reminded, the world needed to know. I suppose that’s why I’m writing this. My sister just arrived from HK and she didn’t know anything about the Internet filter. I was shocked something so important hadn’t made international news. Well it has now, and I urge you to tell as many people as you know. Not that I think it will make a difference, but just so people know what’s going on. Cause that’s what the internet is all about right... information. Whether you agree with the types of things you can access or not, it’s the freedom to choose that makes us a democracy. But no more.

They are fools to think they can protect children just by stopping them seeing a website. Child abusers are everywhere and will continue to do what they do. Children will take drugs and have sex and become terrorists with or without the filter. The world will be the same; it’s just that we as a nation will pretend it’s not there by blocking it off the internet. We have now become the ostrich with its head in the sand.

There is so much to this debate beyond the most important, freedom of speech and information. Internet speeds are predicted to slow, legitimate websites will get caught up in the blacklist, and our countries government could start filtering anything that subverts the status quo. I’m scared.

Oh and one last thing to leave you with. Mr Conroy has now asked Google to adhere with our laws and censor YouTube videos in compliance with RC. He even said that if they could do it for China why couldn’t they do it for us. Seriously that guy is a moron, and he’s in control of my interwebz.

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/google-baulks-at-conroys-call-to-censor-youtube-20100211-ntm0.html

Creampie anyone?

2010-01-24T15:25:00.002+11:00

For all the domestic slaves out there. Check this out!

Self-domination: a sub as her own Master.

2010-01-19T13:38:00.001+11:00

So I’ve been thinking about this concept for a while. It keeps popping up in my head so I thought I’d try and flesh it out on paper.

I find myself self dominating, particularly when it comes to the housework and domestic duties. Now Master has never been with someone who so willingly enjoys domestic servitude. I think this is the main factor in him not taking too much control in that area yet. He knows it’s important to me, but isn’t really fussed if I clean the bathroom sink or not. I’m sure he enjoys having the house clean (not that I’ve been able to get it to a good standard yet) but he hasn’t taken to enforcing any set cleaning regime upon me. I know he just isn’t used to having that power yet, and he is still nervous that I’m going to turn on him and just say “Fuck you and your domestic bullshit”. I assure him that isn’t going to happen, but it will take time for him to realise that, just like it has taken time for me to be sure I’m the only one for him.

Now, all of that aside, I’m finding myself setting those tasks and standards upon myself. Yesterday I was folding the clean clothes and as I folded a bed spread I realised I had done a rather sloppy job. Corners didn’t meet, bits were hanging out everywhere. My first thought, or more accurately the reason why I hadn’t bothered to fold it neater, was that Master didn’t really care. That thought stopped me in my tracks. I realised I DID care, and furthermore I should do it right no matter whether he cares or not. So I began to refold everything neater and to a standard that made me proud. I knew that I wouldn’t necessarily get the ‘He-commanded-me-to-do-it kick’ but it was enough to know that I had done it. I suddenly wanted to do it even if he never noticed. And in a way isn’t it better that he never notice? I started to think if I set my own standards he will never have to point out that I did something wrong, or folded something sloppily. In a way it gives me my own sense of pride that I’ve done such a good job he would never notice that it was even done. Now that’s something to aim for.

Strangely enough I’ve been doing it more and more. Like every time I walk into the house I notice something else that needs cleaning or organising. It’s been hard because we don’t have a lot of furniture or storage cupboards, so things end up in piles waiting for a real home. Why I say its strange is that I’ve always been so lazy, I’m still lazy now but nowhere near as much. It’s only taken me 30 years to get there, but I’m kinda liking it now.

Do any of the subs reading do this as well? Do you find you place standards on yourself that weren’t enforced by your Master? And Masters, do you enjoy when your sub does things to please you that weren’t expressly asked for?

Life is good!

2010-01-18T18:00:00.000+11:00

I’ve been a slack bitch. I’m sorry! Slack fuckdoll is slack!

I’ve been trying to work out why I haven’t been blogging as much as I used to.

Answer: I just don’t have as much time as I did before.

I can blog at work, as I’m doing now. I used to blog at home a lot, but I used to live alone and had plenty of alone time to use up. Now I’m with Master all the time I spend all my time with him, which of course is made of WIN.

This also causes a problem for the housework. I just don’t get any chores done when he’s at home. I’m too busy giving him kisses and cuddles and blowjobs. I guess it’s nothing to complain about, I just feel bad for not posting more filth for you guys. I know you all understand though.

Life is pretty good, which is such a nice thing to be able to say. Master just got a sports car and we went for a drive on the weekend. It’s one of my favourite things to do; get out of the city and soak up nature...at speed.

Sex is awesome as usual; we shagged so much over weekend. My cunt was sore and swollen after the first few times and it just made the sex even better. Master loves so much when I’m in pain when he fucks me. Sometimes it’s from overuse and sometimes its cause his cock is too big for me that day.

Going camping soon with family. We have this secluded paradise we go to that’s just so relaxing and rejuvenating. Hopefully Master will have time off and can come too. It will be the first time meeting my Dad, and I know he’s a bit nervous, but I know all will be fine. He’s such a great person there is now way they won’t like him.

We are just so in love, it’s awesome. It’s so gushy I know, but I can’t help it.

I love you guys too, this blog is so important to me. That’s why I get angry with myself for not updating more often. Must update!!!!!

xxx

Elemental.

2010-01-06T16:44:00.001+11:00

It was one of those fucks that shook the foundations. Like an electrical storm full of thunder and lightning, and hot humid rain. All the factors came together; passion, energy, lust and desire.

My cunt was on fire; pulsing and contracting on his cock. Sparks jumped between us, red and blinding white. Every thrust was like an earthquake, shaking both of us.

It was like tiny little switches were being turned on all over our bodies as the current flowed endlessly. Each time I came I sparked him on, closer, deeper.

And we combusted.

Caning - The internet has a lot to answer for.

2010-01-05T20:12:00.004+11:00

The internet has a lot to answer for.

As you may or may not know I work as a Pro Domme, but also do submissive sessions. Something that really troubles me is the amount of (wanna-be) Masters that want to cane a submissive, and I mean heavily cane. Newbie Doms that think it’s easy, and it’s not. They also think it’s easy to take, or maybe they just don’t care.

I’ve always known the internet was to blame. I’ve seen “caning” pictures where the cane marks are obviously made with makeup. The models look like the most vanilla straight girl, and you know she wouldn’t take even a light spanking.

The situation though is worse than I realised. A client I saw today suggested I check out a site called Mood Universe. It’s a Kink.com competitor, with differently themed BDSM porn sites. The thing is it’s very extreme; very, very extreme. I actually couldn’t bring myself to look at the trailers; the pics on the site were enough. Part of me could see some of the marks were real and then others just couldn’t be. Maybe they were. They were vicious, bloody cuts. What disturbed me further was the canings were not restricted to the buttocks. These women were caned all over their body; ass, breasts, stomach, back and even kidneys.

Now these things in themselves are ok between consenting adults, with training and education behind them. What is bad is the dude wanking over these images thinking they could do the same thing to any chick and she’d be ok with it. Porn always pushes high standards. The “pile driver” is NOT comfortable but it’s not going to damage you like a full body caning. It just really scares me that people out there think this is realistic play.

Maybe I’m exaggerating because as professionals we cop the brunt of male fantasies. On the other hand, who knows how many Doms think this is appropriate for any sub, just because they saw it on the internet.

/rant

Happy New Year! ;)

Sometimes you don't need any words.

2009-12-30T21:22:00.001+11:00

Bareback Escort Free For One Day Only

2009-12-27T14:29:00.001+11:00

I’d placed an ad in the local adult classifieds at His instruction. I replied to all the emails and allocated all available timeslots. There were eight in total; eight appointments, eight men, eight strangers. They were all going to fuck me, no strings, no charge, and no protection. The risk was part of the thrill, especially for Him. My thrill came from pleasing Him.

The men were told to arrive at the hotel and wait outside. They were to carry a newspaper to signal they were there for the appointment. He would meet them at the entrance to the hotel at the allotted time and escort them to the room. Each man would get 30mins or until he came. They could fuck me however they wanted, with no protection, but He had to watch.

When he picked me up to take me to the hotel I was more nervous then I’d ever been. I was about to get fucked by complete strangers. I was so excited and nervous at the same time. I had never done anything like this before and it scared the hell out of me, and at the same time made me dripping wet. Best of all was his presence, it made everything worthwhile. I did everything for him, and I would do anything for him. This was what it was all about; proving that I would do anything and everything, whenever he asked.

We arrived at the hotel and checked into our room. It was old, and cheap, and suited perfectly for our needs. We had arrived with some time to spare before the first appointment so we lounged on the bed and watched some T.V. The distraction wasn’t working and He could tell I was scared shitless. So He did what He knew would calm me. He shoved His cock down my throat.

When it was time for the first appointment He asked me if I was ready. I was sat on the edge of the bed in lingerie and heels. I nodded as my heart beat loudly in my ears. He left the room and I just sat there. Each noise in the hallway made me jump thinking it was him. What would the guy look like? Would he be gross, handsome, or fat? It felt like forever before I heard the door handle start to turn.

I froze, not breathing, palms sweating. He walked through the door...alone. I breathed out a sigh and collapsed on the bed. He laughed at my relief and explained that He waited but no one had met him. We now had some time spare before the next booking. Of course He used that time to use me. It was a sweet escape to be underneath his weight. He shoved His cock in all my holes and then we took a shower. He made me drink His piss and fucked me some more.

When it was time for the next guy He decided to not go downstairs, he wanted me for Himself. This happened again with the next appointment. He just continued using me as His fuckdoll. He then wanted to go for a walk. We wandered to the park and had coffee. An hour or so passed, as did a few more appointments unattended. When we arrived back at the hotel we saw a man waiting at the entrance. He was carrying a newspaper. We’d both spotted him from a distance and He asked me if I wanted him to come upstairs. I shook my head. As much as I was excited by it, my fear won over. He didn’t seem bothered, He liked me for himself. And that’s how we spent the rest of the day.

He told me sometime later that it was his plan all along. He never wanted to share me, although the idea of watching me be fucked by other guys still turns Him on to this day. The thrill was in the mind game; knowing that I thought it was real. He watched the fear in my eyes, and my desperate desire to please him. It’s still one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done.

Happy Birthday, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!

2009-12-24T13:00:00.000+11:00

It's my birthday. Fuckdoll and her website are 1 year old today. It's pretty strange. I wasn't really sure how this would all turn out. Would I have readers? Would I have enough to write about?

I've found out that it's a Yes to both of those questions. Regular posts fluctuate, but so do most blogs.

What have I got out of this? Well it’s definitely been cathartic. It has been a place to share, figure things out, and hopefully entertain. Sometimes I wonder what you all want to read more of. And at the same time I figure if I just write what's on my mind then someone will find it worthy, or interesting, or whatever.

So what's on my mind now? A lot of things. Strangely enough I haven't written about any of them. Every now and then I get this urge to be productive, to be regularly writing here. I don't always follow through though.

So back to what's on my mind. Xmas, holidays and family stress. I couldn't afford to take time off for Xmas this year. (Forgive the use of Xmas, I'm not religious.) I used to love the season when I was young, but so do most kids. Presents, food and more presents. Then as you get older you can throw some alcohol into the equation. I've taken partners home for Xmas, with mixed results. I've missed a few at home, but spend most there with my parents. It’s not so fun on my own. I much prefer my sisters to be there, but that doesn't happen much anymore. They are both overseas and have been for most of my life. So I guess Xmas has lost its glow. Last year I rejected it all together. I lied to my parents and spent the day alone, except for a bottle of gin. For the first time in my life I didn't want to know about Xmas. Maybe I finally grew up. Maybe I couldn't face another Xmas with just me and the parents.

This year it'll be low key. I'd love to give Master the type of Xmas we have at home, but I just can't afford to. So it will be some food and drink and maybe the beach. I'm not excited cause I know I have to talk to the family, and I find that tedious.
I hate talking on the phone; I get that from my dad. I prefer in person. But I'm obliged to pick up the phone because everyone is so fucking far away. Bleah!

Next.

I've been pretty horny lately. I wanked twice yesterday, and twice the day before that. I’m very fond of the large black dildo we bought a while ago. It’s become a bit of a mini obsession. The other thing I’ve been enjoying is putting on the nipple clamps and pulling them whilst fapping.

The Xmas party at work was pretty debaucherous. Sexed-up dominant chicks getting drunk. We all have the hots for each other, so it makes sense that with a few drinks things would turn randy. There was pashing and spanking and strap-ons a plenty. I haven’t been that drunk in ages. It was heaps of fun.

I’m looking forward to New Years Eve. Master and I are going to a fetish party, and I’m really looking forward to letting go. It’s been a while since we’ve been out, money constraints and all.

I wish you all a Merry Xmas. Have fun with your families or just yourself. Eat lots, drink lots and have a relaxing time.

Thanks for a great year!

Horny!

2009-12-16T21:59:00.000+11:00

Fuck I was horny yesterday. I had 3 sub sessions at work yesterday and each one seemed to stoke the fire. I got fucked by a Mistress with a strap-on, was spanked numerous times and even double-penetrated a female client with another Mistress. I was so randy all day, as were the other girls in the house.

When I spoke to Master throughout the day I begged him to fuck me stupid. I wanted one of those all day sessions we used to have when things were new. The urgent desire that comes when you only have stolen time together. I think I’d been browsing some old posts and just felt a rush of nostalgia. Of course I wouldn’t trade what I have now for what I had then. I just think it’s important to have those days still, now that we are together all the time.

We didn’t have a chance for that day today, but I did get fucked well last night. I had some deepthroat training. Master likes to place my hands under his ass so I can’t hold his cock. Then it’s all up to my mouth. I tried a new thing too that was well liked; and of course sliding his cock all the way down my throat and back up again, without taking it out of my mouth. This of course got him rock hard, and he fucked the shit out of me. Happy Girl!

I’m still laughing about this morning. I practically raped Master. We were lying in bed and he says “Just so you know I’m too tired to do anything...” and then he pulls back the covers to expose his erect cock. I don’t just mean erect, I mean raging hard-on. Long, thick and covered in pumping veins. “FUCK ME!” I exclaimed, and I was right on that thing. I pushed Master onto his back and just climbed on. I rode him selfishly and just as I was coming to climax he slapped my tits hard. Each slap pushed me closer to the orgasmic edge, and with one final thrust I fell over it. Mmmmm!

Hi again.

2009-12-10T14:13:00.001+11:00

It’s been a while, sorry for the absence. For a few weeks I’ve had no inspiration to write. Work has been really slow and it’s just drained me of any will to be creative. I’ve realised how much I need to keep busy, and feel like I’ve been productive with my day. It’s thankfully picked up in the last week, so I’m now feeling a bit more positive and creative.

Master is well, and we are really enjoying our new apartment. Money has been a bit tight, bills all coming in at once, but we’ve been getting through. It will be nice to have a bit of spare money, another reason why the slow work situation has been stressing me.

I’ve had my first real idea for a novel, based on an event in my life. I won’t share too much at this stage; I’ll just say I’m thinking of a short fiction novel based on real events. I’ve mapped out the chapters roughly and have been reading up on tips for novel writers. I’ve wanted to write something for a while now, but only just found an idea that I think could be viable. The question is, can I write it? Better try and stop talking about it.

Kinky Santa

2009-12-08T15:24:00.004+11:00

Click here for a chance to win some great prizes.

A Good Wank

2009-11-26T12:10:00.005+11:00

He grabbed my hips and forced his hard cock inside me. I was still asleep, but was soon awoken with slaps to the face and punches to my hips. Master was ravenous. He’d had trouble sleeping and been up for a few hours of the early morning. His vicious grip and fervent thrusting made me think he’d been watching porn. But I wasn’t complaining. I love when he wakes me up by fucking me. It makes me feel owned property. *cunt tingles as I read that back* I loved the frenzy; pulling my hair, slapping, choking. Master fucked me every which way and fucked me good. Have I mentioned that I’m a lucky girl? Such a wonderful way to wake up!

It sent him to sleep too, which was good. When he awoke I joked that he should have fucked me earlier. He also confirmed that he had watched porn; a Sex and Submission with Sasha Grey. Master discovered we had it and hadn’t watched it. I was livid that I’d forgotten. How could I have not watched my favourite porn star in my favourite genre of porn?

So I had to watch it, of course. Heehee! I’d just done the clothes washing and as I hung it out my mind wandered to Sasha. There was only a split second before I decided to watch her be tortured and fucked. As I hung the clothes I thought about what I’d need to prepare. I got more and more hurried and excited.

Preparation list:

• Large dildo for pussy
• Smaller dildo for ass
• Nipple clamps
• Towel
• Lube
• Porn

I lay the towel in front of the computer and placed all the toys within reach. I turned on the porn, kind of like a background soundtrack to my preparations. They did the obligatory interview and vague plot intro whilst I wandered around the apartment. I even gave myself an enema, and surprisingly this aroused me. Inserting the nozzle and thinking about what I was about to do was turning me on. Now the problem with me is that I come really easily. I usually only last a few minutes and I’m all done. In my mind I think about lying around for hours wanking, but I just can’t do it. So within minutes I have Sasha being tortured in front of me, nipple clamps on, and a dildo in each of my holes. The cock in my ass was all the way in, held in place by the floor as I pumped the other cock into my cunt. With the other hand I tugged on the clover clamps and it wasn’t long before I was moaning and groaning loudly into orgasm. Another one shortly followed and I fell into a heap. It never lasts long, but it’s worth all the effort. Something so satisfying about having a really good wank.

Who needs furniture!

2009-11-19T13:40:00.001+11:00

Master has been on a bit of a rollercoaster the last few days. I’m getting more used to what I need to do to help and make things as easy as possible for him. I think he sometimes wonders why I stick around, but for me there is no question. I love all of him. I realise that there will be hard times, but they are only part of who he is. There is so much fun we have and things we share that it makes the bad times insignificant. I guess the hardest thing is when he looks at me in despair, unable to control the pain, rage or suicidal thoughts. I can only imagine how hard it is for him. But I’m sticking by him. I’m in this for good.

In other news we’ve moved into our apartment, and although it’s a bombsite with all our crap, we are having a ball. It’s been such a long time looking and facing constant rejection. Finally we can relax and just enjoy living by the beach in summer. OH YEAH! We still don’t have any furniture but it doesn’t matter. We are so infatuated at the moment we just entertain ourselves. Who needs furniture!

Anonymity and the politics of sex blogging.

2009-11-16T16:45:00.000+11:00

So, Belle de Jour now has a name. The once anonymous blogger and author has now revealed herself to the world. Apparently an ex threatened to make it public and so she bit the bullet and exposed her own identity.

We all love our anonymity. It’s part of the reason we can share all our sordid details to the world. We tell complete strangers about our darkest, filthiest secrets, and yet we could not share that information with our closest friends or family. It’s such a strange concept really. Being anonymous allows us to be more open with ourselves and others. We can accept and nurture parts of ourselves that are perhaps seen as immoral or unsavoury. We don’t want to be judged badly by the people that count most in our lives, and yet we don’t mind if some stranger on the other side of the world comments on our cummings and goings. In fact, I value what my readers have to say. I write in part for them, for you.

I’ve been thinking about the whole anonymous thing recently. What if someone found my real identity? Would I care? I mean honestly I wouldn’t want my mum reading my blog and knowing what fucked up shit I get into. But beyond that do I care? You know I don’t really think so. I’m not going to plaster my face across the net, although in some places I have. I’d actually like to be ‘out and proud’ about being in a D/s relationship, about being sex-positive, about being a sex worker. I’d like to lead by example and show the world you can have a healthy, positive and honest attitude towards sex and sexuality. Will I do that? Maybe one day. At this stage though I don’t think there is much point. I mean who am I? I’m not yet going to make a difference. Maybe down the track if I write a book or actually get out there and promote sex-positive attitudes, then perhaps putting a face to the politics will make a difference.

As much as I hate to admit it, this is political. I’d almost forgotten why I do this; women having a voice when it comes to their own sexuality. This is what we want and that is how we want it. Give it to me all day, all night. And if that’s too confronting for you, then go bury your head in the sand and pretend that women don’t have a sex drive.

What does this identification of Belle mean for her and her readers? Will they identify more because she is a real flesh and blood person, not some made up pseudonym?

I know I’ve really only touched on these issues, something to think about more I guess. This post developed into more than I’d expected, but has raised some interesting things for me, and hopefully you too.

- Still fuckdoll.

Hard Cock!

2009-11-12T17:06:00.003+11:00

God I love a hard cock. I was browsing tumblr and saw a delicious pic of a hard cock and just had to share it with you all. I keep looking at it and thinking how nice and hard it looks, how nice it would feel inside.

Rock hard is the best, when you hold onto it and it’s solid, rigid. They look good and they feel good. Then the turgid member bashes the inside of your cunt, smashing your cervix. Mmmmmm.

Hard cock is good cock.

tumblr.

2009-11-11T20:23:00.000+11:00

I’ve gone all geeky and opened a tumblr. I’m still working out what I want to do with it and if I’ll keep it up. It has made me want to learn more HTML script and possibly even delve into web design. I was so proud the other day as I taught myself to embed a hyperlink into text, and I got it right the first time.

There may be some crossover between this blog and the tumblr, but I’m keeping that mostly for images and this blog mostly for words.

Drop by and visit ME. Also let me know if you have a tumblr too, I’d love to check it out.

Geekgurl signing out!

Happy happy joy joy!

2009-11-04T16:15:00.001+11:00

Finally we have an apartment of our own. We got the news yesterday that we'd been approved. At the time it was like a massive weight lifted off me, and still it still hasn't fully sunk in. Master and I are ecstatic as you can imagine. We now have a little beach pad for summer. Not to mention all the privacy we could ask for. We get to move in early next week. Eeeeeeeeeee!

The meal rationing has been going well. Master is becoming more comfortable. As I already knew he is a natural at being in charge; he just hadn't had the chance. Now I just need to get exercising, maybe I can get him to order me to workout. :)

Master got quite excited last night and fucked the shit out of me. The kind of relentless hard pounding that makes my eyes roll back. When the pleasure is so intense I begin to cry with pain, but I just lie there and take it. Just the way we both like it. Hawtness!

Yay, yay, yay! So happy!
:)

OMG I met Sasha Grey!!!

2009-11-01T16:00:00.004+11:00

Master and I went to Sexpo, a sex industry trade show of sorts. There are lots of stalls to buy things like porn, lingerie, vibrators and anything sex oriented. They have shows with pole dancers and strippers. You can have your picture taken with a porn star, get them to sign your DVD’s and generally have a good perv.

As exciting as it all sounds, it could be a lot better. It’s a little mainstream, and while most people are easily titillated, it takes a bit more to get me excited.

I went for the first time last year, and it was fun, the kind of thing you have to do once. This year was different. Sasha Grey was attending. She was hosting for G4TV who were doing a show on Sexpo. As soon as I found out, I knew I had to go (and stalk her).

My friend went the day before me (as it’s on for 4 days) and I got a message while I was out saying she had met Sasha and taken photos which she immediately posted to her Facebook page. Even though I was a little jealous, it was a good sign that I could meet her too.

Master and I had been at Sexpo for about 30mins and I had almost given up hope of seeing Sasha. I was in the middle of signing up to Australia’s latest political party, and the first I’ve ever been inclined to join, The Australian Sex Party. Master tapped me on the shoulder and I turn around to see a camera crew and tiny little Sasha Grey walking amongst them. OMG!!!! Wooooooooohhhhoooooooo!

I quickly finished what I was doing and then stood in awe for a few minutes not sure what to do. I hate being the gushy fan, but I couldn’t muster a cool exterior if my life depended on it. I didn’t know what to do at that point, but with a little encouragement from Master I tapped one of Sasha’s entourage on the shoulder and politely asked if I could say hello. After a few minutes and some talking to her manager we were allowed to say hello. In return we had to consent to being interviewed for her television show. Fine, I would have done most anything at that moment just to meet my hero.

So I got a kiss and a few hugs from Sasha Grey and was a jabbering mess who couldn’t string 2 sentences together. I wished I could have had some witty banter about sexuality and the liberation of the female sex drive, but it wasn’t meant to be. I did happen to tell her I worked as a Pro Domme, and that I loved her movies. I asked her about her visit to Sydney and had my photo taken with her. She was super lovely, relaxed and down to earth. I really wished I could just sit down and have a proper conversation with her, but meeting her was good enough. I was so excitable afterwards, and kept annoying Master with “OMG I just met Sasha Grey!”

Of course we went home and fucked each other’s brains out; as I’m sure many couples did after the show. When I awoke this morning I just lay there with a grin on my face thinking about meeting my porn-heroine. I was all warm and fuzzy inside.

I couldn’t tell you all this and leave it at that. Would you really believe me without proof? I had to blur my face out, but here is the evidence. She is more beautiful in real life than I expected too.

Tasks.

2009-10-30T12:31:00.001+11:00

Besides the house situation, things are going wonderfully with Master and I. We had a really great chat the other day about how we see our future, and what kind of D/s relationship we want. Everything is so new and fresh, with so much potential. I explained to Master what type of things I crave from D/s, and encouraged him to think about and express his desires also. He is still finding his feet in this new world, and coming to understand the possibilities before him. Although I shared my ideals with him, I made it clear I didn't want to influence his desires. I want him to create and direct our relationship in his ideal, something that he has begun to do.
Part of what I expressed was a need to live submissively day to day, not just in the bedroom. We have the whole bedroom thing down to a fine art, now it's time to work on how we want our lives to be.
So we have begun tasks. This is a task. I had time to spare before my leg wax and I didn't know what to do. Master instructed me to sit in a cafe and update you all on how things are going. This may seem like second nature for most D/s couples, but Master is still getting used to his control, and getting his bearings at the helm.
We are both trying to get healthy, but I have a love affair with bacon and eggs so need a little help to resist. So Master decided to instruct me on what meals I can have. This morning I asked what I should have for breakfast and I was ordered to stay healthy and go with muesli and fruit. It was an enjoyable exchange for both of us. It may not always be convenient and it's not something that has to occur for each meal, but it really works for our development. I feel instructed and gain pleasure from this, and Master gets to practice asserting control.
I've also been pushing more decisions his way, like with the house hunting and things that affect our relationship. I am more than capable of making those decisions and he trusts my judgement, but I feel it's important for him to be reminded of what he has taken on, and the responsibilities of being the dominant. Soon it will be second nature. Everyday I feel him becoming more confident in himself and his new life.

This is my 100th post, and I couldn't go without sharing a little filth with you all.

So, last night we had such a great fuck. I know I always say our sex is great, but there is everyday great and there is porno-grade fucking.
Master had picked me up from work and I suggested we have sex since the house was empty. When we finally got home I was really tired and almost thought of leaving the sex till later. Luckily Master took control and just pushed me on the bed. He only removed my pants to my knees before pushing me back down on my stomach and fucking me from behind. So instantly I began to feel used, like just a toy. Yum! I love when he's fully on top of me, pushing his hands down on my head. I am unable to move under his body weight, and fantasise that he's raping me. I just have to lay there and take it. This just gets me so wet. Master rolled me over to my side and kneeled up fucking me while I held my legs to my chest. We love this position as it tightens my pussy and makes the sex really intense for both of us. Because of the curve in Master's cock, and the side I was laying on, the head of his cock was pounding right into my g-spot and I was coming in minutes. It's the kind of unrelenting, mind bending orgasms that have me in a state non-coherence; a blubbering mess.
Master was in fine form, really using his doll. He punched and slapped my body and face as I continued to come all over him. "Use me" I moaned as his thrusts grew faster. "What do you want?" "I want your cum, pleeeaaaasse!" Heehee, and of course I got it. Yummy! It was the kind of fuck we both needed, to de-stress and reset.

We had more sex later too, a little drunk but still yummy. I'm such a lucky girl!

I want...

2009-10-25T18:45:00.002+11:00

I’m dying for our own place. It’s been so long now that I’m used to sharing, but every now and then I have moments where I desire privacy with Master. Yeah I know, I’m addicted. Hi, my name is fuckdoll, and I am a sex addict. Well, actually I’m just addicted to Master’s cock. Heehee.

But I digress. What I’m craving is my own apartment. And that is code for ‘I want anal sex’. Not specifically right at this moment but in general. I want Master to just take my ass when he wants it. I want to be able to scream and moan as he stretches my hole. I could really go a fisting too. I want hours of fucking; having a whole afternoon to just fuck our brains out. I look forward to walking around the house in just heels and my collar. I want Master to take me when he wants, bending me over the kitchen bench at will. Mmmmmm yum!

We had the house to ourselves for a few days and it was so nice to make noise while we fuck. I love to let go; the sounds drifting out, or being violently forced from my throat. Master even had his moment of freedom. Usually quiet, he let out a deep groan after he came. I love that sound, it’s so masculine and animalistic.

I want, I want, I want.

No hurry.

2009-10-20T18:28:00.000+11:00

Sometimes I rush, trying to get to an end result. Then I realise that the journey is half the fun. If we rush we can miss things, make mistakes, or force outcomes that need more time to develop.

I have these ideas of how I want our D/s relationship to be, and sometimes I get impatient that we aren’t there yet. I crave a structure and strictness that will take time for Master to feel comfortable in and make his own. It is no fault of his, just our journey.

I had one of those moments today.

I read so much about the lifestyle that I get caught up in the romance and desire, and forget that things take time. Our living arrangements also haven’t been conducive to living D/s day to day, so we take fleeting moments here and there. I also feel like I’ve found the person I want to be my Master, so I want to serve him every moment. Life just doesn’t always afford that.

So after my impatient moment I had a wonderful revelation: we have the rest of our lives. We have so much time to grow together, and to create and shape our ideal D/s relationship.

After that I relaxed a little and smiled, thinking about our future.

Master proposed to me just recently. I know, I’m bad for keeping the news to myself. Of course I accepted, with happy tears in my eyes. The interesting thing is we had both agreed that we didn’t need marriage in our future. Both of us having been married before, we decided it wasn’t necessary for what we had. Then out of the blue Master just popped the question. I burst into tears and was really surprised at how happy I was that he asked. I suppose it was the feeling that he really wanted to keep me. As he said, “I want you to be mine. I’ve put a collar around your neck and now I want a ring on your finger.” *SWOON*

So yeah, no hurry. Just enjoy the ride.

Perverted Dreams

2009-10-19T11:24:00.001+11:00

I had a very strange dream last night, and what other place to talk about it than on my perverted blog. So get ready... it’s pretty fucked up.

I had to give my father a blowjob. Uh-huh, a blowjob... my father! And if that’s not bad enough I actually enjoyed it. I was getting so turned on in fact that I begged him to fuck me. Oh god, I can’t even write this without shaking my head in horror. So then I’m fucking my dad, and it’s really hot. Then even weirder is I take his cock out of me and it’s like a flower or leaf. It had a stalk and foliage at the top that had to be held together to insert. I know, fucking bizarre right.
That’s about it really. I’ve never had such a weirdly sexual dream. First time for everything right.

So, to divert the gaze from my perverted and fucked up mind I ask you all to tell me about your dreams.

Have you ever had a sexual dream involving family or inappropriate partners? Or, have you got any really strange sexual dreams that spun you out?

Do tell! Go on, you know you want to.

Temporary Pad

2009-10-18T11:48:00.001+11:00

Sorry for being so quiet here recently. Master and I have moved in with a friend until we find our own place. We’ve been looking for some time now and it just seems so many people are looking at the same time. Our flatmates kicked us out, and the last few weeks were full of tension and stress. So it was nice to finally be out of there. Our friend’s place is really relaxed and we’ve had some very restful night’s sleep since being there. It also helps that the ex-flatmates cat isn’t screeching it’s head off constantly, which it had taken to doing daily for the last few months (mainly at 5am).

We should be able to stay where we are for another few weeks, but hopefully it won’t be long before someone approves our applications and give us our own pad. Master and I have been planning this for so long, it feels like it will never happen; and yet I know it will. It’s been really hard getting our hopes up about a place and then to be rejected, only to have to keep looking at more places. I’d really like to have a Saturday off from house hunting. Soon....soon.

Please forgive delays in posts as our routine is shifted around a bit. Will be back to normal soon I hope.

xxx

Foreplay in transit, and the greedy cunt gets used.

2009-10-11T12:36:00.001+11:00

I got Master all worked up, I love it when he’s like that. We’d been driving home after a movie and I had my hand in his lap. As I stroked his bulge it began to grow, soon becoming too big for its denim cage. I leant over, unzipped his jeans and released his solid cock. Its skin was warm and soft in my hand as I continued to stroke. When we would stop at the lights the cock would be forced into my mouth, Master holding my head down. I enjoyed being there, licking and sucking. And then as we pulled away, I leant back in the seat and continued pleasuring him with my hand. I alternated from fast to slow, really enjoying the feel of his cock and imagining it sliding into my cunt at the first opportunity. As we got closer to home Master became more aroused and began choking me with his free hand. While my hand was on his cock, his was slapping my face or breasts nice and hard. I writhed and wriggled in the seat as his blows to my chest made me wet and horny. The tension in the car was thick and electric.

We arrived home and parked the car. Now with two free hands Master grabbed my head and thrust hard into my throat. I was drooling gag slime all over his pants but he didn’t care. He was enjoying using my throat and mouth just as much as I was enjoying being used. Once he had enough, or couldn’t wait any longer, he ordered me out of the car and we began the short walk to our house. It was early evening, the sun was just going down and it was fairly busy in the inner city suburb. As we walked Master kept a firm grasp on the back of my neck. This served to make my pants even wetter and my eyes kept on the ground indicating how submissive I felt. At one point Master even reached over and slapped my face as cars drove past us. An act that already had so much sexual chemistry for us became electric in this public setting.

We both silently thanked the stars that our flatmates weren’t home as we opened the front door and Master shoved me inside. I was forced to the kitchen where I set down our shopping and Master began ripping my pants off and pushing his hard cock inside me. I let out a cry as he thrust forward, my body shaking with pleasure. I’d been so worked up I was dying for him to fuck me, and when he did my cunt just wrapped around his cock almost cumming instantly. He grabbed my hands and pulled them behind my back, forcing my face down on the kitchen bench as he fucked hard. Yes... more... now!

Master ordered me to the bedroom and I scurried away trying not to trip over the pants around my ankles. Once we’d stripped off Master fucked my throat hard, using his toy roughly. He fucked my cunt some more and then made me lay beside him to take his load in my mouth. It was big and delicious.

After a short pause I was made to lie on my back and play with myself as he knelt over me with his balls in my mouth. I licked and sucked as I rubbed my clit and we both moaned with desire at how hot the scene was. Each time Master would slap my breasts a shock wave would run through my body down into my clit. Master ordered me to climax and just as I was cumming he shot another load all over my breasts. The warmth of his cum on my skin always makes me cum harder.

We lay down for a rest and I put my head on his stomach as he stroked my hair. I nuzzled his fading erection and began to nibble and suck on the end. It wasn’t as much to get him hard as it was just an enjoyable thing to do, like kissing or cuddling after sex. But it did arouse him as moments later he was on top of me forcing his cock into my cunt from behind. I thanked him profusely for more pleasure and drifted off to enjoy his fucking. I was so glad to be able to moan and scream as I pleased, making orgasm even easier. After Master had had his fill of my cunt he rolled me over again to take his cum in my mouth. This time he was spent. We lay in post-fuck haze for some time, grinning and being quite happy with ourselves. My cunt was a little jealous that my mouth got the most use, but I do have such a greedy little cunt.

“Do you feel used?”

“Mmmmm, yes Sir!”

“Good”, he smiled.

Switch

2009-10-06T22:43:00.002+11:00

Prompted by Florida Dom’s questions I thought I’d write a post about being a switch.

I think I’ve always known I’m a switch, or for at least as long as I’ve thought about it. When I first started exploring the ideas of Top and bottom, Dom(me) and sub, I was married. Now that I look back I realise although we were both switch, we also both craved to be submissive more often. We would often fight over who would be bottom within our sex play. At that stage I really wasn’t aware how much I needed a D/s lifestyle, it took my next relationship to realise that. When I look back now, I was somewhat bitter at my husband for making me take control. I would make most decisions, and because he was naturally more submissive I ended up wearing the pants. Of course it wasn’t all his fault. When we met I had just come out of Uni, full of feminist ideals and with a desire to control my own life. So I guess we both fit into our roles.

It took an extremely dominant man to make me realise how much I enjoy and craved being submissive. But his problem was he wouldn’t tolerate me switching. I could, on occasion, top other girls when we would play with couples. But never, ever was I allowed to turn on my Master, and I never really wanted to. What I did find frustrating was his rules on when he would bottom and what he considered bottoming. For example, he was bi and liked bum fun with guys...but he would only bottom to bigger or older guys than himself. Now to make things worse, sometimes he’d be gagging for something in his ass when we were alone and he just couldn’t bring himself to let me help him out. I mean really. I never wanted to top the man, just to please him in any way I could. I personally think that a Dom can order a sub to do something to him that would be considered a topping activity, without losing any control or power.

I considered working as a Mistress, but at that stage I didn’t have the confidence, and I wouldn’t have been allowed. I did however need my toppy side to come out, so I joined an online virtual world called Red Light Centre. It’s somewhat like Second Life but with an emphasis on sex and BDSM. I took on the persona of a Mistress and tried to live out my switchy side in cyber space.

At one stage I even forgoed the title of Switch. I felt that I would be a better submissive if I called myself that and forgot about being a switch. It’s a silly idea now looking back, but at the time I wanted to do what I could to please my ex and part of that was denying my switchy nature. I must say he wasn’t all bad. I do have to thank him for introducing me to my submissive side and the D/s lifestyle.

And then I was single.
I had pretty much decided that I wanted to be submissive in my relationships. The need to be on top only popped up now and then, the need to bottom was far greater. So I got on ALT.com and began to seek out Doms.

I met Master about a year ago now, and we had a casual fucking relationship for many months. In bed he was my perfect partner; dominant, rough and skilled (and one of the yummiest cocks I’d ever been fucked by). We became quite good friends and he often heard me whinge about my job as a chef. When I suggested I might become a Mistress professionally, he was all for it. He gave me a lot of confidence to go out and try this new career path.

Fast forward 6 months and I am now his submissive and working as a Pro Domme. Never does he have problems with what I do. He has the confidence inside to know I would never try, or want to top him. I have found an outlet for my strong, dominant side. This means I don’t have to hold it in, having it come out in cranky pushy bottom ways at home. How could it not be good for our relationship? I guess the thing with my switchy nature is I tend to react to the person I’m with. So, when I’m at work around submissive men or bottoms, I immediately feel dominant. When I’m with my Master I feel completely submissive. I may of course get cheeky from time to time, but never dominant.

When I first started working as a Mistress I also did submissive sessions as well. This suited me fine until I came to be in a committed relationship with Master, at which point it just didn’t seem right anymore. I no longer got excited about having sex with strangers for money, and I felt like I was cheapening my submission to Master by submitting to other men. So I decided to only do light submissive sessions at work, no sex, and no heavy discipline. It has made both Master and I feel better and more comfortable with what I do.

Florida Dom asked me if working as a Domme makes me more eager to submit to Master at home. I think the answer is yes. I think about Master often in session, I can’t wait to get home to him. I think being in control gives me something fun to do at work, a good way to make money, but I wouldn’t want to do it all the time. Some clients ask me if I’m a Domme in my private life, and although I worry my answer might turn me off, I need to be honest and say no. And I don’t think I ever want to be. I find dominant men extremely sexy, and submissive men quite pathetic and needy (no offense intended just my preference). I’m the needy one damn it. ;)

Master can’t wait for the day we top a girl together, I look forward to it too. He’s never really seen me dominant except on a few occasions. We were out at a party the other day and I spanked a friend who was feeling subbie. Both Master and his friend were drooling at the sight. I was glad to see this response, to know that he enjoyed part of me that I’d had to keep hidden in the past.

I think I feel the same way I do about the word switch as I feel about the word bisexual. I’m a switch but prefer most of my time to be spent as a submissive. I’m bisexual but chose to spend most of my time with a man.

Hopefully all those words helped explain me a little, or at least the switch in me.

Thankful for Strange Blessings

2009-10-05T12:22:00.002+11:00

I must say the sex Master and I have had since he’s been feeling better is just divine. Because of the pause it feels almost better than before. My cunt is more sensitive, and I’m horny as hell (thanks partly to Sasha Grey).

---

Master and I went through quite an intense shift in our relationship, and at one point it felt for both of us like it could slip either way. We could go on where we left off and be stronger for it, or let the perceived riff come between us. Thankfully we chose to work together to get back to what we were before the shift, but of course in a new incarnation. Like a snake shedding its skin; both healthy and natural. Of course this is just relationships and life, always testing and training and teaching.

---

Master is on night shifts for the next week and we have strange hours together. I requested this morning that we try and make time for sex, as I couldn’t wait another week to feel him inside of me. There really is a deep connection and renewal that occurs when our bodies are joined. It could be the pulling of my hair, slapping of my face or the thrust of his cock. Whatever the interaction, we need it. It relaxes, refreshes and connects us. It reminds us of the bond we have, and of the primal and sacred need of all living animals.

In strange way I am thankful for the pause we had in our sex life. It’s given me a greater appreciation of the way we connect and commune, and shown me how important that is. Even a quickie is sacred. It gives a chance to wash away all the stress, and remember what is important... us.

Tee Hee

2009-10-01T16:17:00.000+10:00

Ummmm ...so, yeah. Ummmm, well ... ummmm.

...

I got fucked.

*pokes out tounge and runs away*

Yay!

That was so fucking hot Sir!

Shameless Plug

2009-10-01T16:08:00.002+10:00

I just wanted to give a shameless plug to my other blog, Taking the Reins.

It's take a while to get some momentum, but there is some interesting tales of kinky perverts I encounter at my work.

Enjoy!

A hard lesson to learn.

2009-09-30T16:46:00.000+10:00

I’ve been trying to write a post for days. I have so many thoughts and emotions to sift through and digest. What do I want to say, share and hold back?

Firstly, and most important is Master is feeling much better both physically and mentally. He is my rock, and I found it hard to have him gone for so long. I know I can be strong when I need to be, but I just wanted my Master back. I wanted him to hold me close and make all the pain go away.

I learned that I can’t always help him when he is in a deep depression. This was a very hard lesson. It is my natural instinct to nurture and I feel like I’m failing if I don’t try my hardest to make things better. It’s so hard to see your partner in such pain and not be able to do anything. In his case, sometimes all I can do is give him a hug.

I’m also a bit nervous about the future. We still need to find a place to live. Master wants to quit his job, which I’m completely behind, but the timing could be better. Everything seems to be so tough right now. I look forward to easier times.

Master has decided to keep his motorbike instead of the car we just bought. I really enjoyed the car but I understand his reasons. It makes him feel free. It takes his mind off the world and its troubles. Today I felt jealous of the bike, jealous of the feeling he gets from it. When he came home last night after a ride he was so much happier, alive. I felt kind of angry that I had nothing that could help me out of the flunk I was in. I searched my brain for something that makes me feel that good. The only thing I could think of was Master using me. The feeling of freedom and happiness I get from being used and feeling submissive is like no other feeling. I realised that’s why I feel so shit. I need it like a drug. It’s also like a spiritual connection, our connection.

I wore my collar last night, and it helped a little. I know everything will be ok. We all go up and down. I just need to remember my love and devotion to Master. I love you.

_

2009-09-28T20:48:00.002+10:00

Waiting not so patiently
to see him
come home to me
rest your head on me and
let go
Blanketheart
and i wait
I hold back the fear
and pain
for it will do me no good
for ridding you of yours

Spinal Tap

2009-09-26T18:15:00.001+10:00

Master had a mysterious illness a few days ago and things got pretty scary for both of us. We took him to hospital and after a whole bunch of tests they still couldn’t work out why he had a fever and headache.

The doctors finally decided they needed to do a lumbar puncture to rule out meningitis. For those that don’t know, meningitis is an infection of the sack around the spinal column and brain. It can be life threatening and the lumbar puncture is the only way to determine if you have it. So they explained what they needed to do was inject a long needle into his spine and take out the spinal fluid (and yes, spinal tap is the colloquial term). At this point they produce a waiver to sign, saying we understand that in rare cases the procedure can; 1. Introduce bacteria into the spinal fluid (effectively giving him the illness they are testing for), 2. Cause paraplegia, 3. Cause death. This really freaked us out.

There was lots of kisses and hand holding and tears. I knew that the doctors wouldn’t do the procedure unless it was necessary. Also, if we didn’t do the test and he had the illness then he could die. We had to risk the possibilities to make sure he was ok. And the last thing, it was going to hurt like hell. I held Master’s hand and helped him through the pain as much as I could. I felt nothing physically, but to watch his face was horribly painful in my heart. He made it though the procedure and eventually the tests came back negative.

Thirty six hours after we went to hospital Master was discharged. He was better but the doctors still never found out what was wrong. They think he had a virus but could not be sure of the cause. I’m so glad he’s ok. I told him not to scare me like that again.

It’s been a few days now and he’s recovering his strength slowly. He hasn’t yet felt up to using me, and I’m getting quite pent up and toey. But I try to understand and be patient while he recovers. And look forward to feeling him inside me again. Most importantly he is on the mend and back home with me.

Questions?

2009-09-22T14:25:00.003+10:00

So, I've decided to open myself up (snicker) to question time.

What do you want to know about me?

I will try to answer all questions as honestly as possible, unless of course they could identify me or my Master.

Send all questions to: sub.f.doll@gmail.com

When I have enough questions I will reply with my answers in a post for all to read.

I haven't tried this before and thought it could be an interesting exercise. Let's see what happens.

Just a coat - Pics

2009-09-19T16:14:00.001+10:00

Pics as promised.

Just a coat.

2009-09-18T12:06:00.001+10:00

I was quite nervous, but I had to obey.

It was late at night when he told me to put his long coat on. I'd been sucking his cock for some time. It was a slow, sensual blowjob, with moments of deepthroat and gagging. I was naked except for heels and collar, and had expected to stay in our room. But of course Master had other plans, he always does.

He had warned me that there would be nights such as these. His penchant for public display and alleyway games needed to be fed regularly. Of course I love those games too, and on most nights I would have been more willing and less afraid.

My dilemma came from the fact it was 'that time of the month' and the idea of being naked in public just didn't have the charm it usually does. I was self-concious, nervous and feeling far from sexy.

But obey Him I did.

I walked sullenly down the street, trying to keep quiet in 5" heels, and metal collar. Master made a few jokes as he surveyed the landscape, but I wasn't feeling jokey. I was still trying to get past my inhibitions and the best I could muster was quiet obedience.

When Master found a particular dark alley he fancied, I was beckoned to follow and take my rightful place at his feet. The feeling of the hard concrete digging into my knees helped to focus me for my duty. Once his cock was in my mouth I instantly relaxed. The scene, in all it's perversion, started to arouse me, and I forgot all my worries. Master leant over and removed the coat from my shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. I knelt, fully naked before my Master, worshipping his glorious cock.

I was rewarded with a mouthful of his cum, and we strolled home. I wasn't quite off the hook though. Master made me open the coat and pose as cars passed (pics to come).

Master praised me for obeying even though he knew I was scared, but I don't think he fully knew why.

I like being pushed. Not to do things against my will, but to go beyond my limits and then to find it's not so scary after all.
:)

Milestone - Spit-roast.

2009-09-14T18:29:00.000+10:00

Master and I passed a new milestone in our relationship on the weekend, our first spit-roast. LOL.

On Friday we attended a monthly play party; a mix of socialising, floggings, dancing and sex. It was the third time we had gone as a couple, and we now felt quite at home amongst the crowd. On the previous occasions Master and I had played together; me sucking his cock, or him fucking me whilst others watched. The first time of course had been very exhilarating for Master. It was his chance to show off his property, and it really turned him on to fuck me in public. The second time had been in front of even more people and he took great pleasure in making me cum over and over again. He told me how other couples were mesmerised by my writhing and moaning on his lap. But what Master had most wanted from our time in the play rooms, was to watch another guy fuck me. It’s been a fantasy of his for a long while, and we’d found some disappointment that it hadn’t happened yet. And at the same time we enjoyed our public fucks, a great turn-on for both of us.

I’m not sure what Master had in mind as he led me to the upstairs play room. Did he expect to find another guy, or did he just want to fuck? I know we were both horny, and had been waiting for our friend to get acclimatised to his new surroundings before leaving him for our selfish reasons. I must say I was a little tipsy, and happy at that stage. Master had picked a perfect time to take advantage of me. He led me into the crowded room, bodies writhing everywhere. He lent against the wall and I knelt down immediately, of course knowing what I was to do. I took his cock in my mouth and began sucking and worshiping him. It wasn’t long before there was another man’s legs standing next to Master’s and I was ordered to take this strangers cock in my mouth. I sucked obediently before looking up and realising I knew this stranger. He happened to be a good friend and an old fuck which relaxed me a little. I did have to note to Master afterwards how I hadn’t hesitated in obeying his orders and sucking a complete stranger’s cock. He was of course proud of his little slut.

So after a little time sucking both cocks I was ordered up onto the bed as Master began fucking me from behind. Of course there was only one thing to do after that, which was to have our friend fuck my face. It was so delicious having Master’s big cock fucking me hard, and another cock ramming itself down my throat. It’s really one of my favourite things to be filled from both ends with cock, and even better for it to be with my Master. I got seriously pounded by his rock-hard cock. The sight in front of him was surely driving Master wild. It wasn’t long before Master was filling me with his cum, whilst our friend was holding me down. It was very hot.

Master was so happy all night after that, bragging about his first spit-roast. We kept reminding each other of it for the next couple of days. Another dirty notch in our belt. I soooo look forward to more.

Thank You Sasha Grey!

2009-09-08T18:42:00.014+10:00

When I was at work the other day, one of the women was talking about porn and porn stars. She told us about how porn star, Sasha Grey, was on the Tyra Banks show. The show was about how bad it is so many teens are into prostitution and porn. The amazing thing was how intelligent and business minded Sasha Grey was at age 18. She might have been young, but she knew she wanted to do hardcore porn. It really blew Trya’s negative take on things. Sasha even described her first porn movie. The male actor was talking about all the things he was going to do to her, and she turns around and says to him, “Do you want to punch me in the stomach?” OMG HOTNESS!!!!!! I couldn’t believe I was jealous of this 18yr old (21 now). How dare she be more hardcore than me? BITCH! Hot bitch!

So then I go around to my friend’s house last night and she’s all about Sasha Grey (she was at work when we were watching the interview). She tells me how she spent the whole night before masturbating to this hot scene from Sasha’s first porno. She played me a little and it was fucking hot. It was the kind of porn I like, hard fucking, slapping, chocking and lovely filth. Now the women may be drugged up, but you can tell they are into it. My friend and I agreed. If we did these scenes we’d do drugs too. It’s different taking drugs cause you like it, then taking drugs to be able to do it. Sasha obviously is into this kind of sex. She said in the interview that she got interested in performing when she saw the hard porn and thought to herself, “Yeah I can do that”.

So we watched a little of this porn, and I realised she’s the same girl that’s in a clip I’d watched countless times when masturbating. It’s a gang bang scene (my favourite) and she takes on a room of guys, and gets covered in cum. OMG how hard I came watching that. I had to get my friend to turn off the porn. I get way too horny to watch it and not be able to fuck or masturbate. I literally get close to imploding after only a couple of minutes of good hard porn.

Fast forward to later that evening, Master and I are lying around before bed and he orders me to put away my computer. He then tells me to look at what he’s watching on his computer. I lean over and see he’s watching the exact scene I’d been watching with my friend. Master had been watching it secretly and was all worked up. I’d told him about what we had done earlier, and how horny I had got. He must have been planning this all along.

So Master began to use my mouth while we watched the hot group fuck scene. Master made me ride him, and cum, and ride him and cum. Once I was worn out it was his turn, as he came in my mouth. I was so horny! All I could think was ‘Is that all?’ I’m so selfish when I’m horny. But Master wasn’t finished and made me lick his balls and suck him some more. Something curious happened. I was having an internal dilemma. I was so rampantly horny I needed to be fucked more. I really felt I could be fucked all night and it wouldn’t be enough. And yet here I was, having to lick Master’s balls with nothing for me. I got hold of my wayward thoughts and remembered my submission and began lovingly and willingly licking for his pleasure. I made pleasing him my pleasure. I thought about how privileged I was to lick his balls and if that’s all I got to do I would be happy with it. My change of attitude must have been apparent in my body language as Master began really enjoying my efforts. Suddenly I was ordered onto my knees and his cock plunged deep inside me. All I could think was I was being rewarded for my change of attitude, even though he hadn’t heard my internal struggle. I thanked him with all my heart for allowing me to feel his cock pounding away at me. I became more and more aroused. I came and came and yet it just made me worse. I couldn’t get enough. Master fucked me, slapped me, punched my hips. I sunk deeper and deeper into subspace, and flying high on continuous orgasms at the same time. Master came deep in my cunt and I felt just amazing.

We lay together, my face nuzzled in his crotch. When I feel deeply submissive from our rough fucks I love to have my face against his fading erection. I smell his crotch and feel his skin and my substate gets prolonged and almost becomes who I am. It is who I am at that point and I never want to leave it. It’s safe, and easy and beautiful. I don’t need to think.

Of course I was still horny, but content. I nibbled cutely at his cock head and licked of the little bits of cum that were still stuck there. Master must have found this pleasurable as he started to fuck my face again. His cock grew inside my mouth until it started pushing on my throat. He fucked my throat roughly and slapped my face. Because I was already so deep, each slap gave me an orgasmic wave. One slap in particular gave such a bittersweet sting; I just shook and shuddered. He knelt over my head and wanked while I licked his balls and I played with myself. Master sprayed his cum all over my tits and the warmth of it made me cum. I was in such a wonderful dreamy place. We lay together for a short while before Master said it was time to go to bed. He asked me to get him a glass of water, which was a little hard in my subbie space, but I complied. I climbed back in bed and we spooned to sleep.

Part way through the night I awoke...horny. All I could think about was shoving big dildoes inside me and fucking myself hard. Master was stirring and restless so I was afraid to move too much, I didn’t want him to wake. So I quietly put fingers into my cunt and moved them around, feeling my pussy. It was wet, still filled with Master’s cum as well as my juices. I tried to get my hand to slip in, but it was too hard without moving around. Each time I moved it sounded so loud as my cunt squelched, and I was afraid I’d wake Master. I fluttered my fingers at my g-spot and rubbed my palm against my clit, until I came. I drifted off to sleep again, but dreamt constantly of sex and masturbating.

When we awoke, Master and I chatted about the awesome sex the night before whilst we snuggled. I told Master about my night-time masturbation, and how I was still horny and feeling the waves of subspace still lingering from last night. Master rolled me over and started fucking me again. Oh Joy what a spoiled girl I am. I love cock for breakfast, and cum. After he fucked my cunt for a while Master made me offer my mouth for him to use. He fucked my throat hard. I was ordered to hold his cock down there for as long as I could, which I did till I chocked and spluttered for air. Master allowed me to swallow his cum for breakfast and we lay again, entwined, and rested.

Sometime later I climbed on top of him, kissing his chest and hugging him tight. And guess what? Mmmmmm. Master lifted my hips and entered me again. Master fucked me so well. He moved behind me and I moaned into the doona as his big cock slipped in and out. Sometimes slow, then deep and hard. I came so intensely; just a fucked, horny wreck. Master punched my hips hard and I thanked him, as my cunt tightened each time. It got me so worked up. I was ordered onto my back again, ready to take his cum. Master slapped my face, “Thank you Sir”. He came on my tits, “Thank you Sir”. He leaned over me, “One more time slut!” “Thank you Sir”

Oh, and thank you Sasha Grey.

Note: I’ve linked to the Youtube interview on the Tyra Banks show. It’s actually posted by anti-porn activists. It’s quite annoying to watch, as you must fast-forward through the propaganda (just press play when the video stops). When I was searching for the link I came across Sasha’s reaction to the Trya footage. It’s really worth a watch, and just points out to me what an interesting woman she is. There are some other videos she’s done that look interesting too.

A question of Commitment.

2009-09-07T16:12:00.002+10:00

It may be a lazy post, but I wanted to link to a short post by Sir J at A Dominant Character. It is very simple but moved me quite strongly. It doesn't matter if you believe in marriage or not. I see the commitment in a Master/slave relationship as just as important, sometimes even more.

Just a bad day.

2009-09-06T17:11:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I feel a little helpless. Master is having a bad day and I can’t do anything to help. I can listen, and love, but that’s all. I can’t change his experience, I can’t make his anger go away, I can’t give him the outlet he so desperately craves. It’s painful to know it will always be like this. Hopefully more meds will help, but it will never be perfect. And yet without them it was worse.

I love him so much. I don’t even see the bad parts anymore. I love all of him. I just hate to see him in pain, frustration, anger. I wish I could suck out the poison, or take the swords blade for him like a desperately romantic samurai movie.

Just a bad day, but so many wonderful ones on either side. Love is always the hope and the saviour. Happiness will prevail. Optimism will always be the light at the end of the night.

Domestic Duties

2009-09-02T10:20:00.001+10:00

After I got the dinner started I went to hang out the washing. As I pegged the wet t-shirts to the line I began to think about domestic duties.

When Master and I first talked about living together, we discussed how the domestic duties would be shared between us. I expressed my desire to be submissive domestically as well as sexually, and explained how I derived pleasure from being what you could call a ‘house slave’. Now of course Master challenged this idea; did I really want to do all the house work as well as have a full-time job. I thought about my answer long and hard before responding. I knew it was important to answer truthfully, and not commit myself to more than I was willing to provide. After a thoughtful pause I said to Master that considering I am working full-time I may have trouble doing all the housework, but I would endeavour to do as much as possible. I also said that if he wanted to help it was up to him but I wouldn’t expect it. He was very happy with my answer, so we agreed that this would be our goal.

When I was young I was very lazy. I would need to be forced to do the dishes or clean my room. As I grew up I got a little better, but I was never really a ‘clean’ person. In my last relationship I lived for a while as somewhat of a ‘house slave’. I didn’t need to work, I just had to tidy the apartment, make dinner and satisfy my partner sexually. I quite enjoyed the role and began to almost relish chores.

Since Master has moved into my share house I have endeavoured to take care of as much housework as possible; kind of like a trial run for our own place. Whereas before I would leave dirty dishes for a couple of days, I try now to wash them after the meal. I enjoy washing his clothes, making sure the room is tidy and generally making his life a little easier. I feel more capable now of fulfilling our agreement, and becoming the perfect house slave.

Now all this occurred to me as I was hanging out the washing. I sat down to write my thoughts afterwards, while the dinner was cooking. Cut to after dinner and Master asks me to give him the massage I’d promised. Suddenly I was having an internal dilemma of the slave kind, don’t you love those. My brain starts having a hissy fit. It was whinging about how I’d done all this housework and I just wanted to relax after my dinner and not give a stupid massage. Waaa waaaa waaaa.

So obviously all this is going on inside and I’m struggling with myself. I never want to say no to Master, and I knew I was being childish and I really wanted to please him. I wanted to give him the massage but I couldn’t shake my mood after that first reaction. Now I’m not very good at hiding my moods and Master asked what’s wrong. It took him some time and a few tears to get to the crux of the issue. I felt stupid and ashamed of my thoughts, and felt that it was unnecessary to share them with Master. But of cause that is wrong; I need to share everything with him. Once I had finally explained myself Master gave me a soft but stern talking to. He explained I was never obliged to do anything I didn’t want to do, and that he would prefer I do things because I wanted to and not just to please him. I was told that if I could explain the reasons why I didn’t want to do something requested of me, then Master could not help but understand. I did eventually feel better and thanked Master for his wisdom and understanding. After we relaxed together for a while with some online poker (our new addiction, play money of course), I gave him a massage before going to bed. I did it because I wanted to, I had always wanted to. I just needed to learn to express myself a bit more and not hide for fear of getting in trouble or feeling like I wasn’t serving him properly.

I had to laugh at the timing of this post. Only an hour or so after writing about enjoying domestic duties, I had a dilemma that put that view into question. Of course I will still try to enjoy the housework. I just needed to learn to be more open with Master when something is troubling me. He’s so understanding.

Bursting with LOVE! (and some anal)

2009-09-01T13:13:00.003+10:00

Well I’m sure most have you have read Master’s 3-part story, and been hard or wet from it. Each part took me on a riveting journey, part fantasy, part prediction of activities that have yet to take place. The last part in particular really moved me. I read it as I sat next to Master and he watched the reactions as they came across my face. I gasped, I melted, I swooned and I cried. It was so intensely beautiful, a love poem written, at least in part, for me. Every word was spoken to me, and Master seemed to know just how to bring all those reactions and emotions out of me. In all its perversion, pain and debauchery, the story was so deeply romantic. It was so open for all, I was exposed and taken, and all the readers were there too. And yet, in a masterful touch of prose, he made the last passages so intimate. It felt like no one else was there, just like when we are alone.

It made me really realise just how perfect we are together. He knows me so well, and loves me so deeply.

I’ve also found since I’ve been more conscious of my submission, Master has been more confidently dominant. I see it in even subtle ways. Where as in the past I may have made a pushy comment, I’m holding back, and I feel he notices my efforts to be gentler. It’s not so much about me changing who I am but about being constantly aware of my behaviour and making effort to make Master proud to own me in all situations.

Oh, and just on a filthy final note, we had some awesome anal sex the other night. It had been quite a while since I had felt his cock deep in my ass, and it certainly took some coaxing to get it in there. I screamed the roof off at first, but then my screams turned to moans as I began cumming. I seem to have mastered the art of turning pain to pleasure in a somewhat perverted way. Each time it would start to hurt, I would think about it and it would turn me on. The next minute I’d be cumming. When Master came I pulled him deep into me and I could feel his cock pulsing and spurting.

I got another special treat before bed. Master ordered me to put his cock in my ass again, as well as the big dildo in my cunt. I freaked out because my flatmates were home, and I find it terribly hard to be quiet during anal, let alone double penetration. But there was not protesting, no arguing, it was going to happen. I just had to deal with that fact, and try my best to be quiet. And I was. As soon as the two cocks were inside me I was in heaven. I muffled my cries of pleasure with the pillow. I was really enjoying the deep fuck. Again Master came in my ass, and with two loads and a grin on my face I drifted off to sleep.

Thank you for using me.

2009-08-29T12:46:00.001+10:00

So this is the first entry to be sent by email from my blackberry. Very geeky but handy. Typed it on the bus heading to getting my pussy waxed. Go technology.

I thought we were going to sleep for the night, so I was surprised when I came back into the bedroom and saw what lay on the pillow. Master had placed two hair elastics and my collar out for my attention, and I recognised the visual instruction they represented. I looked coyly up at Master and gave a smile, but did not say a word. I knelt down and tied my hair in two piggy tails, just the way he likes. I then lowered my head respectfully as he placed the collar around my neck and locked it in place.

My head was turned and I saw Master's erect cock. I was instructed not to use hands but just to worship him with my mouth, a pleasurable task I always enjoy. Master made sure to push it down my throat a few times. I always feel this act pushes me down into my submissive self. I love gagging on it's length, then looking up at Master through my fresh tears.

When he was done with my mouth Master stood me up, bent me over at the waist and began using my cunt, his cunt. I braced myself with hands on the bed as he plunged deep and hard. My cunt was tight as he forced his way in and the position just made it tighter. I tried to stifle my screams, but it was like each thrust was pushing them out of me. I shivered as he pulled out his cock and pushed me face down on the bed for further use.

I gasped as his cock slid back inside, and my fists clenched the bed sheets as he fucked my cunt hard. He rolled me onto my side, into the 'deep position' and suddenly I felt tighter again. Sometimes Master's cock feels so big it hurts as he fucks me. But the twisted thing about me is that the pain turns me on. I thought about the pain, a grimace on my face, and instantly I'm close to cumming. Occasionally I'd open my eyes and see the joy on Master's face as he takes in his creation. He loves seeing the pain on my face, to hear my screams and cries, and then to watch them morph into gestures of pleasure. My eyes roll back, my mouth opens but no sound comes out, and my whole body begins to shake.

Master brought me to three climaxes, the third was just mind-blowing. It felt like my head would explode. He slapped my face when he saw I was close to cumming and it made it so intense. He knew it was turning me on as he mentioned how wet I became with each slap. He ordered me to cum as he continued to slap and fuck me hard. As I came I felt like I was going to cry, it was so deeply intense. I broke down and began to weep, but Master had other plans for me and before I could rest his cock was in my mouth.

I calmed a little but was such a post-orgasmic mess that I was useless for cock sucking, so he set me to licking his balls. I lapped away, and stupidly thought that he was done with my holes for the night. Master ordered me to close my eyes, and after a short time I felt him pushing something into my cunt. It was our big dildo, and even after Master's big cock it felt huge as it was forced inside me.

I was told to get up as Master stuck the suction-capped cock to the wall. He lay back to watch the show as I mounted the dildo and rode it for his pleasure. I continued the show on all fours, fucking myself so Master could see everything. I made myself cum hard, and then Master took over. He drove the dildo hard and fast into my used pussy until I was a screaming, convulsing mess. He only stopped long enough for me to climb on him and start sucking his cock, then continued to pummel my hole. It was so hard to concentrate on sucking while my cunt was spasaming with orgasms.

Master then ordered me to ride his cock, and it was only a short time before I was cumming again, this time deep and sensual. It was now Master's turn. I leant forward, my head in his neck as he held me tight and pumped me from below. I was completely out of breath, but I only had to lay there and be Master's cum-hole. As he climaxed I felt the cum flood my insides, his cock pumping and sending shivers up my spine. We lay entwined for some time, I played with his balls and watched him shake with post-cum tremors.

I was then ordered to slowly move away so Master could see the cum drip out of me. As I did a large puddle slid down Master's balls and I was told to clean him with my tongue. I enthusiastically cleaned his cock, and lapped at his wet balls. This aroused Master, and he made me continue licking while he wanked himself to another orgasm. This time I was allowed to take it in my mouth. And yet he was still not satisfied, as I resumed licking duties and he wanked himself to a third climax. I hungrily sucked up the cum as Master lay back exhausted, happy and satisfied. Rapid fire cock, yummy. *giggle*

I thanked Master repeatedly for using me so thoroughly. We then drifted to sleep, my collar still at home around my slender neck.

Morning, and we awake to the sweet sound of an angle grinder on pavement. We try to ignore the sound with a morning cuddle. Master climbs on top and mentions he wishes he was hard as he wants to fuck me again, the horny images of last night still on the brain. I remind him that a good slap to my face usually helps. He tries this, and adds a few punches to my hip and he's instantly hard. A sleepy but rough wake-up fuck is just the thing to put us in a good mood. The angle grinder starts up again and I can't help but quip it's the 'soundtrack to love'. Master is not impressed and I almost get another slap for distracting the mood with my dry humour. Although I know he chuckled inside. He lay me on my side, firmly gripping my hips as he thrust inside me. I hugged my legs as instructed to make my hole tighter, and it wasn't long before Master was cumming in me again.

"There you go slut."
"Thank you Sir."
:)

Surviving the Stress

2009-08-28T14:46:00.001+10:00

I won’t try to make excuses for why I haven’t posted very much recently, but I will try to explain what I’ve been up to. I guess there have been a lot of stresses going on and I’ve not had the inclination to write.

Master and I are still living in my tiny room in a share house with 2 others, and it’s been close to cabin fever a few times. We’ve been searching for a house, but then money troubles came between us and our dream which just caused more stress. Hopefully in the next fortnight we should have the bond saved up for our own apartment, fingers crossed. Even applying for houses is stressful for me, and I still don’t know how my variable income will go down with estate agents.

Master has been stressed with his work, which then affects our home life. I try to listen and be there for him, but sometimes it’s too much for me and I lash out, something I always regret afterwards. Together we have worked out the problem and are making plans to get him into a new line of work, out of the office and into a more suitable environment for him.

His ex of course hasn’t helped the stress. Master has been so good, trying to be gentle with her and not come across as a bastard. But this has only served to allow her to stay in a deluded world where she thinks he is coming back. She messages multiple times every day, and is always coming up with new and different excuses for him to visit her, even requesting he stay over. When he does visit her to sort out bills or other matters, she all but ignores him and makes him cook his own dinner. If she wanted to win him back, she’s doing a very poor job. Then there is the money. She recently told him she expected him to continue to pay half her bills and pay maintenance on her 21yr old daughter (thankfully not his spawn). The logic in her argument is not logical at all, and it took another visit by him to her house to convince her she was talking nonsense. Again I try to be supportive, but I see how much she stresses him out, and her constant messages always seem to interrupt our time together.

Master has been feeling these stresses most of all. He’s been irritable and edgy, and it was just the other day when his friend made a comment that we realised it was too long since he’d last seen his Dr. We guessed that he may have to up his meds, and hopefully this will help his moods a little.

But our time together is always pleasant. We fall more in love each day, have wonderful sex (although I can’t wait for our own apartment to be filled with my tortured screams). We go for rides on his motorbike, play pool and online poker, and just generally enjoy each other’s company. Since my last reprimand I feel I’m doing a better job at being the calm water he comes home to. I try to be conscious of my submissiveness around him, and I know this will be easier once I can show it more openly in our own house. In saying that I know it’s a good lesson to be able to feel submissive without wearing a collar or being on my knees at his feet all the time, but I do look forward to being able to do that.

All in all I feel we have both survived much stress over the last month or so, and come out stronger. That for me is a good sign of things to come. I love Master very much and find great pleasure in serving him and being his support.

So that’s what’s been going on. Not a lot of crazy horny times, but life, in all its variances.

In search for Happiness

2009-08-25T18:51:00.003+10:00

I break the posting drought with a tribute to a reader. “M” has published a couple of comments here and also on Master’s blog. His last comment touched us beyond words. Master explained our thoughts here, but I wanted to share with you all my joy as well. “M” has found the courage to take control of his life/happiness, and it seems we have given him the inspiration to do so.

When Master read me “M”s comment I began to cry. I could not believe that we had had such a dramatic and hopefully positive effect on someone’s life. I also was suddenly plunged back to so many moments of my life where I have made difficult decisions in the search for happiness. I constantly strive for that goal, and when I see others seeking happiness I can’t help but celebrate and applaud them.

“M”, I hope that this sudden moment in the spotlight is not too much for you. I just could not let such a special honour pass by without comment. If we have helped you make a step closer to happiness, I can’t think of anything more I could want from sharing my life on this blog.

My best wishes for all that lies ahead.

I've been a bad girl.

2009-08-10T17:11:00.000+10:00

I’ve been bad, but not in a good way. I’ve forgotten my place and been duly chastised for it. I knew something was wrong this morning but it took some time to find out what. Yesterday Master and I attended a Superbike race meet, and mostly we had a wonderful day. I know my bad behaviour isn’t isolated to this one event, but it surely pointed out where I was going wrong. Being a motorbike event there were many scantily clad women parading around on behalf of different groups and sponsors. I quite enjoyed the sight, but they aren’t really my type of women. Of course I am not really their target audience either. Now I let my bitchy side (and most likely my jealous side) get the better of me and went to town complaining about them to Master. This only served to ruin his enjoyment of them. At one point in the day I realised I was being a bit harsh and obviously jealous and tried to curb my behaviour, but it was too late. Once Master pointed out my behaviour today I felt sick with shame. It was a horrible thing to do, selfish and petulant. I hated myself for needing such a simple thing pointed out to me. Because of my behaviour Master felt unable to share his thoughts and desires with me, something that I’ve always asked for and wanted. I was ordered to always take enjoyment in the things that Master enjoys, even if they aren’t to my specific taste. I understand why, and hope I can behave more appropriately in the future.

What the whole situation pointed out to me was that I haven’t been very submissive of late. As Master said, I am perfectly sexually submissive, but my behaviour outside the bedroom needs constant work. My assertive nature tends to take over sometimes, something that I have to constantly battle with. I need a tight rein, but I want to be able to keep check of it myself so Master does not need to worry about it too much. I’m reminded of something a past Master said to me, and it frightens me that it was so similar to what Master said today. I was once (as today) chastised for creating stress in my Master’s home life, something that is not needed when one has all the stresses of work life to deal with as well. I should be the calm water for Master to relax in, not the storm he wants to get away from. I only hope I can learn from this. I’d hate to think that I will always have this problem. It’s probably my major hurdle in becoming my Masters perfect submissive, and to me fully enjoying a rewarding submission.

High as a kite, deep in submission.

2009-08-02T15:40:00.002+10:00

I think I’ve been so busy living life that I’ve not had time to write about it. At least that’s the excuse I’m going to use. I also have this obsession with chronological order so I wanted to continue to write about our hotel week adventures before going on to anything else. So I have a partially written post about our night out at the Master’s first fetish party, but that will have to wait. I’ve decided to break out and tell you what’s been happening and then go back to those stories later.

Master has left his wife and has been living with me for the last 3 weeks. It was a tough time for him, but one he knew deep inside he needed to go through. So now we are together, properly and officially. We’ve been spending as much time as we can together and loving every minute. We find joy in the simple acts of sleeping together, waking up together, grocery shopping and going for walks. We’ve just been enjoying being a couple.

We have decided to get our own place together and just keep dreaming of our life and realising it is right in front of us. What we’ve always wanted is now here, it’s very beautiful.

Of course the sex is still amazing, and sometimes I think it keeps getting better and better. Last night was simply out of this world. I’m not sure if it was the little bit of pot I smoked, or the wine, or just us. Whatever the cause, I was taken to another plane of pleasure.

The first amazing part was when I was wanking Master’s cock. I was knelt in front of him with my eyes closed and imagining what it felt like for him. I began to imagine that it was my cock, as I stroked up and down his shaft. As the strokes became faster I got more and more excited and I could actually feel the sensation in/attached to my crotch. Then suddenly I got the feeling I’d felt so many times before, but never in this way; I was about to cum. I kept stroking Master’s cock as my own came to climax. It was such a surprise to be coming from wanking a man’s cock, but I just went with it as it was so amazing. It truly felt like my cock, and it was definitely my cum. I was shocked and overwhelmed, and I just looked at Master confused. Had I just cum from wanking my ethereal phallus?

After a brief rest, post orgasm, Master stood up and pushed me down onto the couch. I knelt on the edge as he forced my head into the sofa and drove his hard cock into my pussy. As he pounded away his thrusts pushed my head hard into the couch, my screams muffled in the fabric. I love when he’s so rough with me, it really plays into my rape fantasies and I think Master’s too. His cock was so hard and pushed deep that I couldn’t hold back cries of pain. This just spurned Master to fuck me harder, and when he was ready, filling my cunt with his cum.

I was totally blown away by my experience. Was it an out of body experience, or something different? I don’t know, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. The main thing is it happened, and it was magical.

Later on in the evening Master put on some porn and made me get on my knees while he fucked me doggy and positioned my head on the bed so I could see the video. The woman in the film was bound and gagged and was getting flogged and used by a Master. It’s always quite hot to watch women getting used while I am also. Master fucked my cunt deep and hard as I screamed and moaned in both pain and pleasure. Sometime his cock gets so hard it grows longer than usual and can’t fit all the way inside me. The pain though turned into pleasure as I started cumming. As Master kept fucking me I kept having more orgasms. With each orgasm the time to the next one would decrease because my cunt was getting more and more sensitive. This grew and grew until I was just one big orgasm, continuously shaking beneath my Master. I was so viscously horny, worked up and satisfied at the same time. I love that feeling of being purely sexual; nothing else matters or is as important as that moment when you are an animal fulfilling your desires.

Master pushed me down flat on the bed and continued using me. I couldn’t get enough of his cock inside me and wanted him to keep fucking forever. In a final cruel blow Master pulled out his cock just when he was cumming and shot all over my back. All that delicious cum wasted, but I know at the same time if Master wants it that way I can’t complain.

Afterwards Master lay down to rest and I nestled into his chest feeling very submissive. I love that feeling, swimming in bliss, feeling deeply connected with Master, his toy and his lover. As we lay there I confessed to Master what I had been thinking about as he was cumming. I could feel the climax rising and all I could think about was him slapping and punching me as he came. My confession aroused Master greatly. He reached down and started playing with my clit. As he rubbed my cunt with one hand he started slapping and punching me with the other. I got so horny, the intensity building in my brain and my pussy. Master ordered me to cum, to be the filthy slut I was being slapped to climax. And it was a beautiful climax. My body shuddered and collapsed on the bed. I crawled into Master’s chest and got as close as I could, thanking him for the wonderful experience he had given me. I was high as a kite, deep in submission. I began to cry, happy tears. I felt so completely at ease and at bliss I could hardly describe it to Master. I told him how amazing it felt to be slapped to orgasm and for it to feel so natural and perfect. I felt like everything was right in the world, I was meant to be with him, to be his. At that moment we grew a little closer and fell in love a little bit more.

P.S I just want to add here that the slapping and punching is consensual. I let Master know how it feels afterwards so he knows I am ok. The slapping is not very hard, and nor is the punching. It’s the act itself that arouses us. As with many parts of SM play we get to challenge boundaries and taboos in a safe environment.

Thank you!

2009-07-21T18:48:00.002+10:00

I just wanted to write a quick post for all my readers. Thank you all so much for your comments and also for the lurkers just enjoying my filth.

When I first started this blog I wasn't really sure if I would have any readers or any one would want to leave a comment. Over the months each comment as spured me on to keep sharing my adventures with you all.

The last couple of weeks have been quite full for me and I've felt bad for not posting. Each day I thought about updating, for I don't want to loose my small following. I guess that's somewhat narcissitic. But for me it's wonderful to have the inspiration to keep writing.

You are all my inspiration. So for that my biggest thank you!

Threesome

2009-07-21T18:43:00.001+10:00

My friend Anya was supposed to come over to the hotel on the Tuesday night for a threesome. She’d been busy with a few things and asked if we could make it Wednesday. Of course I said this was fine as she was doing me a favour. Ever since I’d met Master he’d wanted to have a threesome with another girl. He’d tried many times in the past but always had problems with girls changing their mind at the last minute. So it had taken me a few weeks of reassurance to convince him that it was really going to happen with Anya. Then of course when I told him she had postponed you could see him start to lose faith again. He got a little disappointed and repeated his old fears that he was jinxed and that it was never going to happen.

When the following night came I texted Anya to check if she could still make it. She replied that she was pretty certain she would be there but not sure what time. When I relayed this to Master he was even more convinced that it wasn’t going to happen. So as I got ready for his arrival I put the threesome out of my mind, being somewhat convinced myself it wasn’t meant to be. About 30mins before Master arrived at the apartment Anya sent a text asking for the address; she was coming. I was so excited. I had made it my mission to get Master his first threesome and finally my efforts had paid off. When he arrived I was sitting waiting for him with the biggest grin on my face, proud as punch to tell him he was going to get his wish. I think at first he was a bit in shock that things had changed and once the shock left him the nerves took over. Master is a very confident person one on one, but still get’s quite shy with other people.

Anya arrived some time later carrying a small suitcase, and excitedly nervous. We hadn’t played together before so I think we were almost as nervous as Master was. She lay the suitcase down and began to unpack; dildoes, whips, toys and clothes. This just added to the arsenal we already had laid out.

Once Anya and I were all ready we knelt down in front of Master, collars in hand. This was his cue to take over control. Master directed me to start proceedings by unzipping his pants and pulling out his already stiff cock. Anya and I took turns sucking on it and I could tell Master was already overwhelmed by his present. Once we had got him nice and hard and worked up, Master directed me to ride him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Now the interesting thing about Anya is she is a massive anal slut. She prefers anal sex to vaginal. Not many girls can profess such a thing, and her tolerance for it is something I’m a little jealous of. So after I had a round of Master’s delicious cock he ordered Anya onto her knees at the edge of the bed. He then got me to lube him up and pushed his cock into her ass. It was great to sit back and watch him pound her hard. She screamed and moaned and just loved it.

We spent the next few hours fucking, Master jumping between all the available holes. Anya and I had a golden shower session in the bathroom while Master watched. I got spit roasted with Anya’s strap-on in my cunt and Master’s cock in my mouth. Anya also made sure to give me a good whipping for Master’s viewing pleasure.

It was really great to watch Anya get completely and utterly fucked by Master, to the point she had to push him away. She was well worn out by the time she left. I did get jealous at one point, but only of the fact she was enjoying his cock deep in her ass. So I begged Master to fuck my ass, which of course he did with enthusiasm. He also shoved the big dildo into my cunt for a deep double penetration. I came so hard...so very satisfied.

All in all it was a wonderful evening, and just a taste of many playtimes we will share in the future. I believe Master very much enjoyed himself, and he mentioned how easy and natural the whole thing was. That is the mark for me of a good pairing. With the right people groups sex should be relaxed and natural, just flowing and free.

Hotel Week - Update 1

2009-07-16T16:41:00.001+10:00

Well it’s been too long since I’ve posted, which means lots to update on.

Master and I had our dirty hotel week, and it was amazing in so many ways. Lots of hot dirty sex, sleeping in each other’s arms and our love for each other deepening. We talked a lot about what we want for the future, and our desire to be together just grew stronger.

The first two nights we fucked our brains out, to the point that our genitals were sore, we literally couldn’t fuck anymore. We were exhausted and worn out but in the best way.
In one session Master had me in wrist and ankle cuffs, heels and collar. I lay on my back with my legs pulled up against my chest, my arms around my knees, and the wrist cuffs clipped together. Master applied the nipple clamps and then clipped the chain to the wrist cuffs. He fucked me deep and hard, occasionally pulling my knees back which in turn pulled on the nipple clamps. As the pain grew I began to fall into subspace. I got so deep at one point that no matter how hard he pulled on the clamps I begged for more, and all the while he fucked my cunt hard. It was heaven.

Another night Master tried a new move for double penetration. I lay on my back as Master forced his cock in my ass. He fucked me hard for a short while before then pushing one of our new big dildoes into my cunt. The feeling was so intense I came almost instantly. Master pushed the dildo all the way in and continued to fuck me hard. It was the most intense pounding, his thrusts simultaneously pushing the dildo and his cock deep into my holes. I think I came about 5 times. Each time the orgasm ended it started the crescendo to the next one. I was literally speechless, only the shaking of my head signalling, begging him to stop. But of course this only spurred him on to continue pounding at my sore, used holes.

The first night Master made me stand on our small balcony in only my collar and heels. We were about 3 stories up and it was a busy night in the clubbing district. He bent me over at the waist so my hands were on the railing and began to fuck me hard. I was ordered not to be quiet, and I wasn’t. The thrill that anyone could look up and see us was amazing. It made my cunt tight and dripping wet. I moaned loudly as Master fucked me hard, and I came so quickly from being exposed to the city night.

I wanted to update all our adventures day by day but was so exhausted I could only rest when he was away. These few will have to do for now. Upcoming posts will include Master’s first threesome and our night out at the fetish party. Also updates on the relationship front to come too. Enjoy the pics.

Shopping list complete.

2009-07-02T15:44:00.001+10:00

Only 2 more days until our debaucherously decadent week of alone time. I’ve been spending up big getting prepared for all possible activities. Who cares if you can’t pay rent, as long as you have a lifetime supply of dildoes.

For such a sexual being I only sadly own 1 dildo, 1 horse-bit gag, and a leather flogger. So I thought the coming week was a perfect reason to stock up on all things dirty and kinky.
My 2 shopping expeditions consisted of an online order from JT’s Stockroom (for all the kinky goods) and a visit to the local sex industry warehouse.

From JT’s I got leather wrist and ankle cuffs, a leash, pinwheel, clover clamps, rope and 4xdouble-ended clips. I thought this was a good starter kit, although I would have like to get a leather paddle but didn’t like the ones they had.

A perk of working in the sex industry is that I have access to a sex toy warehouse with a 10% discount (which just negates GST). So my friend and I went there to stock up on cocks (and various other bits and pieces). I was initially overwhelmed by choices. It was like being in a sex toy supermarket; every type of dong, vibe, butt plug, and blow up doll you could imagine. I went a little crazy and got: mini screw clamps, lube, anal douche kit, 4 butt plugs (small to big), 4 suction-capped dildoes (1x 6” thin, 2x 8” thick, and 1x 12” giant called “The Master”). I totally blame my friend for ‘making’ me by “The Master”....like I would never consider using such a massive dildo...like ever...I swear. *blushes*

Uber apartment for 7 days : check

Massive arsenal of cocks: check

Kinky equipment and torture devices : check

Gorgeously delicious, fuckable, amazing Master: check

Stay tuned for all the debauchery. ;)

The future.

2009-06-29T13:33:00.001+10:00

I’m so joyously happy I can’t help but tell you all about it. Master and I have been falling deeper in love by the day and sharing our feelings openly with each other. There have been lots of kisses and canoodling, hand holding and smiles, and of course fabulous sex.

I have hesitated to break the news until it was official, but I know in my heart is real even if it hasn’t occurred as such. Mark has decided to leave his wife, and while I am selfishly happy about the fact I never wish such a thing to occur to any couple or marriage. I myself have been through divorce and it’s a very hard decision to have to make. As much as I benefit from his new freedom I have never encouraged him to do so, only to do what makes him happy.

From outside I guess I saw that he wasn’t in some respects, but I never knew the full picture so really couldn’t judge what was only between them. Mark has though, in his own time, come to the realisation that he is not happy in many ways and can no longer go on with their marriage. It sounds weird, but I do feel sorry for her. No one should have to go through a divorce, but at the same time no one should have to live in a relationship that is unsatisfying to the point of detrimental.

On the flip side I also feel that she has wasted, and mistreated a wonderful man, and without sounding too harsh, it’s her own damn fault. Oh that did sound harsh...ummm, it’s what I feel and this is my blog, so fuck it.

So after that somewhat politically correct introduction I can now say WOO HOO. I’m so fucking happy! Master and I have been having wonderful, lengthy conversations about our future. Lying in parks reading books, fucking all over our future home, and just basically doing whatever we want as a couple. Now I must say here that a lot of my joy comes from seeing him happy. For me it’s not about stealing another woman’s husband, but seeing the man I love be truly happy with the life choices he makes. And it’s all about choice; at the moment he has none. He is in many senses a slave, made to do as she pleases and nothing of what he wants. Oh, I’m getting a bit narky again. I guess I haven’t been able to vent about my opinion as I didn’t want to sway his choices, he needed to come to this decision without my input. Now that he has I feel freer to express how I feel.

I’m in love, and excitedly ecstatic about the future. I feel like I have found the one I can grow old with. That may sound rushed, as does moving in together, but I have a very strong intuition and ability to read my own heart. I can feel the potential bursting out of us every moment we are together and every time we talk of the future. It’s so wonderful I can’t describe it. And the crazy part is it’s only just the start. I look forward to things like; waking up together (every day), wake up sex, 3am sex, being picked up from work, snuggling in front of the TV, going for walks, shopping and the list goes on. I long to be a couple, to be his slave and lover every day and every night.

To the future!

New Shoes

2009-06-25T15:34:00.004+10:00

OMG! Check out my new shoes. I love them. Now Master has another key to add to his key chain. The shoes and collar will be my uniform for our week away, and I don't intend to take them off unless I need to. Yum!

I think it was the cold room.

2009-06-23T16:56:00.000+10:00

I would like some pain, I think I need some. I was just reading a blog post on Slave Musings about spankings and I desired to have one.

The last time Master gave me some pain I didn’t react very well. He gave me a short warm up, perhaps too short. (Forgive me Master, I don’t mean to say you are doing anything wrong. I hope you can see my feedback as ways for us to move forward. I know you will.) I think his hand spanks got too hard too quickly and the warm up became the discipline. In this way I think I began to tense up instead of relaxing into the pain. He then moved on to using his belt and I only got a few strokes in before I had to ‘Mercy’.

I immediately burst into tears. I cried because it hurt, but I mostly cried because I felt I had let Master down. I want to take what discipline he gives me and I know I can but not that day. It may have been the warm up and it just may have been a bad day. Perhaps I just couldn’t take it that day. Maybe the cold room didn’t help, so even with the warm up the cool air just kept my skin cold.

Whatever it was I still felt it was my fault. Master was wonderful, instantly wrapping me up in his arms and comforting me.

I wonder if he has been apprehensive since then to try again, and I wouldn’t blame him. I am almost apprehensive myself, wondering if I can again take his discipline. And yet I know this is silly. There is no rush and I know we will experience some deep and rewarding discipline scenes. We have some wonderful times to come and many a red bottom.

Owned and Collared

2009-06-23T13:25:00.002+10:00

I am collared. It’s official.

I had already given myself to Master, I was his. But there is a deep symbolism for both of us in locking on the collar Master had chosen for me. I knelt before him as he silently and lovingly placed the collar around my neck. The lock clicked shut and we both breathed out together; joy and relief that the moment had finally come. We smiled and kissed, and then shared a warm embrace. We have become we, and us. We share each other and are one as Master and submissive.

Of course we consummated the bond in our favourite way. We lay talking for a while afterwards and I didn’t want to take the collar off. It made me slightly sad when the time came, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before I felt its comfort again.

Thank you for my wonderful collar Sir. I love you very much.

Oh, a parcel has arrived!

2009-06-22T16:43:00.002+10:00

I’m so excited, the collar has arrived. Master got it delivered to his work by accident (LOL), thank fuck for discrete packaging. He sent me a picture and it looks amazing. It should be around my neck in the next couple of days and I’ll be sure to take some pictures for you all. We have both been waiting to hear the CLICK of the padlock that first time. I think though every time it clicks shut will be music to my ears. It’s a signal marker for me, a way to instantly feel my submission, much like sucking cock or being on my knees. Master is allowing me to keep a key, but only for practical reasons as I want to wear it out when he is not with me. I want to be able to show everyone I’m owned even (or especially) when I am alone.

Things are going amazingly well with us; we are like two smitten teenagers. We were walking to a cafe the other day and he just reached out to hold hands with me. It was the most natural movement, not thought of just done. Then Master stopped walking and said “What the hell did I just do?” We both giggled and kept walking. Neither of us let go, because it was really nice. It just surprised the both of us.

Stay tuned for more collar pictures.

Never stop fucking me!

2009-06-20T18:50:00.001+10:00

Master had a shitty few days and so he used his fuckdoll to work out his frustrations. He fucked and punched, and gagged and slapped. I like when Master uses me, each time is slightly different. Like the first time I felt more used, selfishly...but that’s ok. I know he needed it. For me, whatever I can do to make him feel good is fine by me. The second time he used me, but the frustration was gone. This time he just used me sexually, using my throat and mouth for his pleasure. I obediently did what he said and was rewarded with a mouthful of cum. Afterward as he rested I lay with my head in his crotch. I felt comfortable there as I pressed my face against his wet cock. A deep submissive feeling came over me, and I was at peace.

But Master is giving too, and does not always use me selfishly. We had the most amazing passionate fuck. It had started with just a blowjob and then he had taken me on the kitchen bench. He carried me with his cock still inside to the bedroom and continued to fuck. I liked the fact we both had half our clothes on, it was very impromptu and hot. We did finally disrobe frantically to continue fucking. The sex got more frenzied and intense, changing positions here and there. I came hard many times and was exhausted but so horny for him. I begged him to cum for me, and just after I came he grabbed my hips to push his cum deep inside me. As he climaxed he pulled my hair and slapped my body, growling deeply. His wildness made me cum and shake all over his cock as he continued to pump cum in me. We flopped onto the bed a giggling mess, we literally couldn’t stop laughing. Fuck we have some amazing sex. I think at one point, in amongst the passion, I told him to never stop fucking me. I meant it at the time, as in ‘don’t take your cock out of me’. But I think I also mean it in the sense that I want him to fuck me forever.

Pics

2009-06-18T16:09:00.002+10:00

fuckdoll watching porn

close-up of Master's holes